The State of Colorado deems us Baby X's legal parents.
The most pressing issue at hand once I got the phone call that the adoption decree was stamped, filed and in the mail? Posting photos on F-B of course! We haven't been allowed to post, e-mail or text photos for the past 6 months. I've been planning my album for weeks, trying to choose photos that are super cute while resisting the urge to upload all 400 or so that I've amassed over the past six months. (I'm running out of disk space in my measly 80 gig hard drive.)
This weekend we're having a little party with our families to celebrate Baby X's adoption day. At first it was going to be a lovely formal dinner with courses and china and champagne. That's hysterical in a what-was-I-thinking? kind of way. We've settled on a taco bar with paper plates, beer, and champagne. Might as well, we have a good one hanging out in a basement closet just waiting for the right occasion! It's also a magnum, not like it's a good idea for S an I to kill the bottle ourselves. And of course, we have cake. A fancy cake from a fancy bakery. I'm so freakin' excited about the cake that I'll subject you to photos of it. Stay tuned!
It's so nice to be done with the process. No more fingerprints, no more meetings and no more paperwork. Such a relief!
Showing posts with label 1st adoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 1st adoption. Show all posts
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Are You Ready for This? Match, Placement, Home
Thursday June 9th:
Is this the call? Our caseworker called to ask me a few questions about a situation. I talked to S about the relatively minor issues brought up by our caseworker and we are in agreement. We fit some of the expressed wants, it fits us, and our profile is being shown. We shall see...
I think I might go throw up my lunch now. Then try to work the rest of the afternoon.
Is this the call? Our caseworker called to ask me a few questions about a situation. I talked to S about the relatively minor issues brought up by our caseworker and we are in agreement. We fit some of the expressed wants, it fits us, and our profile is being shown. We shall see...
I think I might go throw up my lunch now. Then try to work the rest of the afternoon.
Friday June 10th:
I had a dentist appointment in the afternoon so our caseworker called S to give him the update. When S called me to tell me her news I had just arrived home from my appointment and my phone froze trying to answer his call. Knowing exactly why he was calling, I cursed the phone, popped the battery out to reboot and waiting an agonizing 3 minutes or so for the phone to start up again. Immediately calling S the second the signal came back, I could tell he was on-site for a meeting so it was brief. We were matched, our formal presentation is Monday, if everything goes well we'll meet the baby after the meeting, and Tuesday will be the placement ceremony. (I was waiting the the heavens to open up and the angels to sing, but it never came). S had to power through another 20 minutes of work acting like nothing was happening while I collapsed on the sofa. The torrent of relief was powerful and immediate. After I was done bawling like a baby, I had to occupy myself until S got home. So, what to do? The dishes? Sweep the floor? Rearrange the linen closet? Rearranging the linen closet seemed like a super good idea, and I was almost done when S walked in the door. There was crap strewn in the hallway, and I believe the first thing he said was, "what is this?". And then we hugged, hanging on for dear life, and cried a little. It's such a visceral moment (or two or three) that you just totally given in to the emotion of the moment. After pulling ourselves together we looked at each other and said, now what do we do?
Well...this...
Well...this...
Saturday June 11th and Sunday June 12th:
A whirlwind of doing things we had already planned, with a whole lot of cleaning, grocery shopping, organizing, running errands, washing of cloth diapers (they're taking forever to strip!), being excited, but not trying not to be excited, and not sleeping. We told family and some friends and my acupuncturist whom we ran into on the street, (I should have been keeping it close to the vest, but I couldn't help it!). We tried to be reasonable since we weren't "officially matched" in that we hadn't had a chance to learn all the details of his story. There was still a chance that there would be an issue that wouldn't work. Still, we both went through multiple heart-pumping, anxiety attacks. I started crying in that big baby store when I pulled a pack of diapers off the shelf. S told me that when he went mountain biking he got to the top and had to take a break to cry.
Monday June 13th:
Feeling in control, finally got some sleep. We both went to work in the morning to organize and cancel what we needed to for the rest of this week. My supervisor is out of town, so I had to send him an e-mail detailing my projects and what needs to be moved. Of course, I have 3 trips planned for July and August that now need to be rescheduled. That might be difficult, and I'm nervous about that, but on the other hand I don't care. I toured a day care close to my work and got on their wait list, just so that I was on a wait list somewhere! I was pretty nervous in the morning until we got to the agency. It crescendo-ed right before we walked in the door, as the enormity of the situation made itself clear. We might walk in an infertile-frustrated-couple, and walk out to meet our future son. Which is exactly what happened. After our formal presentation, in which I think I scared the caseworker giving the presentation because I apparently look very serious when I 'm concentrating, thinking, and processing, and because I didn't show much emotion during the meeting...I swear she asked about four times if we were still on board, and still ok with moving forward. Ah, the personality differences between social workers and engineers...but I digress.
After our formal presentation we drove to the cradle care mom's (J) house (a type of temporary foster care) to meet him. And, of course, he's perfect. He was quiet, fell asleep on my shoulder, and stayed asleep through a diaper change! I can tell though, that I'm holding back a little bit, or at least I did yesterday just because it still doesn't seem quite real. S is doing the same thing. It's just our personalities, we tend to be a little reserved, and while I'm sure people see their baby for the first time and burst into tears carrying on and such, it just isn't there for me or him. We're meeting a stranger at this point. A totally cute wrinkly, snuggley little stranger that you can't help to love, a stranger nonetheless. Although J said we could stay as long as we liked, I still had lists going through my head of stuff to do last night. After 2 hours we said goodbye, ran some errands, then came home exhausted.
Tuesday June 14th...placement day!:
Woke up early still running through lists in my head. I dreamed about his name all night. We didn't have one chosen, but had a running list of names we liked (or didn't hate, is more like it since those are the easy ones to kick to the curb). His first mom named him, and it was a name that S put on our list just a few days ago, so we're keeping it, after much discussion over dinner and while shopping Monday night.
First thing in the morning we met his first-mom, C. Again, another anxiety-provoking meeting that turned out to be great. Well, great for us, and the most difficult day of her life. She elected not to attend the placement ceremony because it was going to be too sad for her. But she gave us a pendant to keep for the little guy that her mom had given to her as a baby. She obviously loves him, and....well, anything I can say here won't really paint the complicated picture, so I'll leave that piece alone. Our agreement with her is that we'll have somewhat regular meetings/visits. At this point, the agency will act as an intermediary, and we'll see how the relationship evolves over time.
Placement ceremony was in the afternoon at J's house, and it was emotional. Poems were read (not by me, I lost it after his first-mom left our meeting and was on the verge of losing it for the rest of the day) that I'll be putting in his scrapbook. We had a nice visit with our caseworker, C's caseworker and J for a couple of hours, then we packed up everything and headed home. Holy moley, someone let us have a baby! S's parents came by that night to visit (thankfully mine were out of town). We were totally exhausted and didn't even manage to eat dinner until after they left.
The first night was rough. I forgot to ask for a swaddling lesson, and he loves to be swaddled. I even have those sleep sack/swaddle things but was afraid to use one at night because it seemed too big for him. So, he woke up about every hour and half or so throughout the night. He would quiet down when we held him and wake up when we put him back in his bassinet. Not a fun night. The next day I made sure to practice the swaddle (I suck at using a blanket and highly recommend whatever makes it easier!) when he was napping so I could observe how he sleeps. Way better is the verdict. Now that we have that figured out, he's waking up every 3 hours because he's hungry. They tell me this is normal.
Wednesday June 15th to Sunday June 19th:
It's been 5 nights...I'm fast becoming a walking zombie. Oh, and I am completely paranoid about S-I-D-S. We do everything "right". He's swaddled, he takes a pacifier (most of the time), we have him next to our bed in a bassinet, the fan is on, it's cool...blah blah blah. Yet, I find going to be stressful because of what "could" happen. Top that off with a healthy dose, of "if anything happens to him, we will be investigated and turned into a headline" and I have trouble sleeping, forget the 12am, 3am, 6am feedings! Perhaps that will fade as I become more and more tired.
Wednesday June 15th to Sunday June 19th:
It's been 5 nights...I'm fast becoming a walking zombie. Oh, and I am completely paranoid about S-I-D-S. We do everything "right". He's swaddled, he takes a pacifier (most of the time), we have him next to our bed in a bassinet, the fan is on, it's cool...blah blah blah. Yet, I find going to be stressful because of what "could" happen. Top that off with a healthy dose, of "if anything happens to him, we will be investigated and turned into a headline" and I have trouble sleeping, forget the 12am, 3am, 6am feedings! Perhaps that will fade as I become more and more tired.
Anyway, he's super cute, we seem to be bonding really well as he's focusing on our faces and holding our gazes, and we've successfully told the family and friends that they can't hold him for a few weeks. However, I'm totally unopposed to them coming over, gawking, and then say, vacuuming/sweeping, or bringing by some food!
And beyond...
To everyone still waiting. They aren't kidding. The agony of the wait lessens immensely the second you get that phone call. For one thing, you're sent into a whole new set of anxieties, and if it's an instant placement like ours, you have no time to deal. None. Once you bring home the bundle of joy, you are a slave to her/him's every whim, and it's exactly what you've been waiting for this whole time. Even the crying isn't too bad at this point (well, we've been able to soothe him, so that's quite different than not being able to!). And here's another observation I've had over the past week. We felt stuck and completely out of control. It's that feeling that everyone else's world, whomever they may be, is moving forward, is on track, whatever, and ours was not. Then, in the space of a week, we were launched forward in a freaking rocket.
Ready for the next wild ride!
Monday, June 6, 2011
Refresher Course
Our agency offered a refresher course for those of use on the waiting list, for, like ever. Originally, we thought we wouldn't have to go. "Ha ha ha," says the universe.
All of the couples attending have been waiting a long time and we were almost the longest waiting (one other couple has us beat by 4 days). The director of the agency, the placement supervisor and one of the caseworkers conducted the class.
They ran through the whole process from the call to adoption finalization and had a cradle care mother (temporary foster care, if you will) also come in and discuss their role in the process should cradle care be needed. Situations where cradle care is needed are like when a mother decides after giving birth that she wants to make an adoption plan and this is the agency's first contact with her. If needed, the baby may go into cradle care while the mother is counseled and paperwork dealt with, and matching with prospective parents discussed. The cradle care mother suggested the "Hap.piest Bab.y on the Blo.ck" and the "Dun.stan Bab.y Lang.uage" DVDs for learning soothing techniques. Oh, and check the manufacturer date on the carseat, they expire 6 years from the date.
They also stressed that we should be nesting. Ironic, since nesting is furthest from my mind, but at this stage in the game, I guess we have to force it. The nursery is mostly done, with one more decorating task to tackle (more of S's tracing and painting ability!), but that's it. However, we have yet to wrest the car seat out of the box to see if the base fits in our cars, and if we can figure out how to use the thing. We also have to practice using the M. wrap. I have a Cabb.age Pa.tch Dol.l to practice on. :) And, then there's the watching of at least one of the aforementioned dvds just to start having some idea of techniques to use. It's weird, to be doing this stuff when we don't know when we'll have a baby, just that we could have one within days of getting the initial phone call. I forget sometimes that pregnant women have probably done all this stuff before their delivery, so we should be doing it too.
In addition, they also advised us that for two weeks after placement only we should be holding or feeding the baby. The stock answer when our mothers go ballistic? "The agency told us we have to do it this way to facilitate bonding." That will surely be difficult to enforce.
Something that I'm sure they told us about previously, but that I hadn't really thought about until it was brought up (and stressed) during this class, is the sticky situation of technology and photos. They advised us to not post any photos on F-B or even share them by e-mail until the adoption is finalized (or until the TPR is signed by the judge...I got confused). Apparently we'll be signing some piece of paper that says we understand the policy or something to that effect.
While it was good to get a refresher on the legal process, the placement process, the role of the cradle families and everything else that we'll have to deal with sometime in the future, there was hardly any discussion about coping with the wait. In my opinion, a meeting like this should have had a little more venting time in the company of peers. Instead, it was me having a mini-vent trying to drum up some discussion (and failing miserably). Or at least that's how I perceived it.
There was a little bit of discussion about starting a support group, and I think one may try to get going but it will be far from where we live. I feel like I'm past the support group stage anyway. Last year, I desperately needed one, but this year I'm just hanging on by a thread until we get the phone call.
All of the couples attending have been waiting a long time and we were almost the longest waiting (one other couple has us beat by 4 days). The director of the agency, the placement supervisor and one of the caseworkers conducted the class.
They ran through the whole process from the call to adoption finalization and had a cradle care mother (temporary foster care, if you will) also come in and discuss their role in the process should cradle care be needed. Situations where cradle care is needed are like when a mother decides after giving birth that she wants to make an adoption plan and this is the agency's first contact with her. If needed, the baby may go into cradle care while the mother is counseled and paperwork dealt with, and matching with prospective parents discussed. The cradle care mother suggested the "Hap.piest Bab.y on the Blo.ck" and the "Dun.stan Bab.y Lang.uage" DVDs for learning soothing techniques. Oh, and check the manufacturer date on the carseat, they expire 6 years from the date.
They also stressed that we should be nesting. Ironic, since nesting is furthest from my mind, but at this stage in the game, I guess we have to force it. The nursery is mostly done, with one more decorating task to tackle (more of S's tracing and painting ability!), but that's it. However, we have yet to wrest the car seat out of the box to see if the base fits in our cars, and if we can figure out how to use the thing. We also have to practice using the M. wrap. I have a Cabb.age Pa.tch Dol.l to practice on. :) And, then there's the watching of at least one of the aforementioned dvds just to start having some idea of techniques to use. It's weird, to be doing this stuff when we don't know when we'll have a baby, just that we could have one within days of getting the initial phone call. I forget sometimes that pregnant women have probably done all this stuff before their delivery, so we should be doing it too.
In addition, they also advised us that for two weeks after placement only we should be holding or feeding the baby. The stock answer when our mothers go ballistic? "The agency told us we have to do it this way to facilitate bonding." That will surely be difficult to enforce.
Something that I'm sure they told us about previously, but that I hadn't really thought about until it was brought up (and stressed) during this class, is the sticky situation of technology and photos. They advised us to not post any photos on F-B or even share them by e-mail until the adoption is finalized (or until the TPR is signed by the judge...I got confused). Apparently we'll be signing some piece of paper that says we understand the policy or something to that effect.
While it was good to get a refresher on the legal process, the placement process, the role of the cradle families and everything else that we'll have to deal with sometime in the future, there was hardly any discussion about coping with the wait. In my opinion, a meeting like this should have had a little more venting time in the company of peers. Instead, it was me having a mini-vent trying to drum up some discussion (and failing miserably). Or at least that's how I perceived it.
There was a little bit of discussion about starting a support group, and I think one may try to get going but it will be far from where we live. I feel like I'm past the support group stage anyway. Last year, I desperately needed one, but this year I'm just hanging on by a thread until we get the phone call.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Made It Through
Friday night we went to a colleague of mine's house for a party. It was quite amusing. His co-workers all standing around talking and the rest of his and his wife's friends standing around talking. Us engineers really don't know how to socialize. :) We also stopped by S's sister's house, bringing her and her husband dinner since their kitchen is out of commission due to a remodel. During the course of dinner we were apprised of our nephews' birthday present. He asked for a pet he can call his own (apparently the 2 family dogs aren't enough) and mom and dad didn't want to get him another dog, which is what he really wants. So, they went smaller, and on the advice of the so-called experts at the pet stores our nephew is now the proud owner of a pet rat. R.a.t. Yep.
Saturday I managed to get in a workout, a few hours of work, then we went to a party at our friends who live way out east. It was fun to see some people we haven't seen for a few months, but there were lots of kids. It was pretty tough to see the kids and to have some of my supposed 'friends' not even bother to ask us about the adoption. And these are people we haven't talked to in months.
Today I managed to finish painting the walls of the laundry room and endure lunch at S's parents' and dinner at my parents. I'm pretty annoyed at S's parents because they didn't ask how we are doing. They just blithely act like everything is fine, get S's sister a mother's day gift and I get to share a cake with our nephew for our birthdays. Apparently, since we were celebrating my birthday that should be enough for me. It's not surprising, they hardly have acknowledged anything about our fertility issues or adoption even when S tries to talk to them about it. Don't get me wrong, they're excited about a baby but they don't even try to find out how we're handling it or how we feel or anything about the process. They couldn't even read the tiny little adoption book we gave them. It pisses me off. My parents aren't the greatest about all this stuff either. But, I understand my parents way better than I understand his parents. You know?
All in all I don't think I did too badly, but keeping the bitchiness under wraps sure was a pain in my ass.
Saturday I managed to get in a workout, a few hours of work, then we went to a party at our friends who live way out east. It was fun to see some people we haven't seen for a few months, but there were lots of kids. It was pretty tough to see the kids and to have some of my supposed 'friends' not even bother to ask us about the adoption. And these are people we haven't talked to in months.
Today I managed to finish painting the walls of the laundry room and endure lunch at S's parents' and dinner at my parents. I'm pretty annoyed at S's parents because they didn't ask how we are doing. They just blithely act like everything is fine, get S's sister a mother's day gift and I get to share a cake with our nephew for our birthdays. Apparently, since we were celebrating my birthday that should be enough for me. It's not surprising, they hardly have acknowledged anything about our fertility issues or adoption even when S tries to talk to them about it. Don't get me wrong, they're excited about a baby but they don't even try to find out how we're handling it or how we feel or anything about the process. They couldn't even read the tiny little adoption book we gave them. It pisses me off. My parents aren't the greatest about all this stuff either. But, I understand my parents way better than I understand his parents. You know?
All in all I don't think I did too badly, but keeping the bitchiness under wraps sure was a pain in my ass.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Distractions Needed
I had a complete meltdown on starting on Thursday afternoon precipitated by a less than sensitive colleague. We were discussing a meeting that's coming up and I'm trying to put a team together that can hold the meeting even if I'm out on leave. The response "I'm 90% sure you'll still be working at the end of May" didn't sit well with me. Surprisingly enough I didn't totally snap, but clearly told him that we are definitely in any day now territory.
Then I stewed for the rest of the afternoon. Then stewed some more. And I realized we had to go to family Easter dinners without a baby again. And realized that Mother's Day is two weeks away and still no goddamn baby. I cried myself to sleep (unusual for me).
Friday I woke up in a total funk. I got ready for work, but before leaving saw that a ski area was reporting a powder day. So, I decided to take the day off and go skiing. Still in a funk I got to the resort where there was NO powder to speak of. Assholes totally overreported, but I decided to ski a good part of the day anyway. It was ok, I wasn't feeling great, but good enough. Leave it to me to start crying while driving home 65mph down I-70.
I've been feeling better since that incident though, and S and I have come up with some distracting things to do in the next few weeks (including dancing like fools in our living room on Friday night). Don't know what we'll do should this saga stretch into June, but I'm gearing myself up for having to renew the homestudy. Hopefully, if I expect it, it won't suck as bad
One great thing about my crappy mental attitude is that at least this time it isn't clouded by the effects of fertility drugs. I feel about as bad now as I did way back when, but according to S, I'm nowhere near Crazytown. I am just now beginning to understand how horrible a time it was for him when I was suffering the side effects of trying to force my damn ovaries to produce eggs on demand.
Then I stewed for the rest of the afternoon. Then stewed some more. And I realized we had to go to family Easter dinners without a baby again. And realized that Mother's Day is two weeks away and still no goddamn baby. I cried myself to sleep (unusual for me).
Friday I woke up in a total funk. I got ready for work, but before leaving saw that a ski area was reporting a powder day. So, I decided to take the day off and go skiing. Still in a funk I got to the resort where there was NO powder to speak of. Assholes totally overreported, but I decided to ski a good part of the day anyway. It was ok, I wasn't feeling great, but good enough. Leave it to me to start crying while driving home 65mph down I-70.
I've been feeling better since that incident though, and S and I have come up with some distracting things to do in the next few weeks (including dancing like fools in our living room on Friday night). Don't know what we'll do should this saga stretch into June, but I'm gearing myself up for having to renew the homestudy. Hopefully, if I expect it, it won't suck as bad
One great thing about my crappy mental attitude is that at least this time it isn't clouded by the effects of fertility drugs. I feel about as bad now as I did way back when, but according to S, I'm nowhere near Crazytown. I am just now beginning to understand how horrible a time it was for him when I was suffering the side effects of trying to force my damn ovaries to produce eggs on demand.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
U.S. Newborn Adoptions
Adoptive Family Magazine published survey results on U.S. newborn adoption. According to the results of the survey, on average 53% of the placements happened in 6 months or less. (you'll notice my husband and I are now in the 17% bracket) Really? Where the hell are these people? The math is officially blown out of the water. It's fucking spring, we're No. 8 and no match. I gave up a project I really wanted to do. My brother and fiance are both graduating in May. We were supposed to go visit them in Arkansas before they move but I can't buy plane tickets now. I want to visit friends in San Francisco but have no idea if I should. This is an infuriating place. There is no more "when you least expect it" in our situation. We expect it. We I expect a phone call every goddamn day of the week.
Oh, here's the new statement coming out of people's mouths when I tell them we're No. 8. "Wow, seems like things are moving fast now!" Twenty months is not fast motherfuckers!
Oh, here's the new statement coming out of people's mouths when I tell them we're No. 8. "Wow, seems like things are moving fast now!" Twenty months is not fast motherfuckers!
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Musings on Matches
We're number 8. Holy shitskies things are moving fast around there. I had a conversation with our caseworker today regarding something not really related to being matched and she looked up where we were on the list. I expected to be in the same spot as two weeks ago.
One of the things the agency does that I feel is a good way to protect the parties involved is to not set up meetings between the expectant parents and the waiting families until she's a few weeks away from her due date. This way, the mother and father (hopefully) doesn't feel coerced into the match by meeting us too early, and we don't have as much emotional risk waiting for the birth of the baby. One of my biggest fears is that the parents feel like they've been pushed to make an adoption plan when maybe one or both of them really didn't want to. I realize the agency is in the business of making successful matches but they have been transparent and I think that they truly have all parties' interests at heart. Their statistics show that there are very few adoptions compared to the number of expectant mothers that inquire or get counseling from them. Still, once we meet the parents is it bad to ask questions about how they feel about their decision? As much as I want a baby, I don't want the parents to regret their decision for the rest of their lives. I'm not saying that it'll be all sunshine and rainbows, I know better than that. Blah, this is difficult to express on the page. I give up.
A couple months ago I thought the wait couldn't get any worse. Boy was I wrong. I'm a jittery bundle of nerves (or maybe it's the king cake and copious amounts of caffeine from today).
One of the things the agency does that I feel is a good way to protect the parties involved is to not set up meetings between the expectant parents and the waiting families until she's a few weeks away from her due date. This way, the mother and father (hopefully) doesn't feel coerced into the match by meeting us too early, and we don't have as much emotional risk waiting for the birth of the baby. One of my biggest fears is that the parents feel like they've been pushed to make an adoption plan when maybe one or both of them really didn't want to. I realize the agency is in the business of making successful matches but they have been transparent and I think that they truly have all parties' interests at heart. Their statistics show that there are very few adoptions compared to the number of expectant mothers that inquire or get counseling from them. Still, once we meet the parents is it bad to ask questions about how they feel about their decision? As much as I want a baby, I don't want the parents to regret their decision for the rest of their lives. I'm not saying that it'll be all sunshine and rainbows, I know better than that. Blah, this is difficult to express on the page. I give up.
A couple months ago I thought the wait couldn't get any worse. Boy was I wrong. I'm a jittery bundle of nerves (or maybe it's the king cake and copious amounts of caffeine from today).
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
...Life Goes On and Number 10
This is the post I started writing two days ago then discovered I didn't have the pics I wanted so I didn't publish it:
Each week is stretching longer and longer for us. We've been working steadily on the nursery which probably isn't helping our mood, but somehow having an empty room was worse than hauling all the baby furniture out of the attic. So, it's pretty much finished except for some decorating touches like window coverings and doorknobs for the closets. I did have a little bit of fun at a store designing shelving for the closets. Luckily I went in on a really cold day and was bundled up enough that I don't think I didn't look pregnant. Being in no mood to discuss adoption at the time I kept my coat buttoned and let the designer assume whatever it was she wanted to assume when I said I needed to design closets for a nursery. It was somewhat refreshing to not launch into a discussion of anything besides the task at hand. S got the closets put together (super easy, I love this stuff even though you end up with a pretty industrial looking set up) and today I took all the baby shower and hand-me-downs that we've been collecting over the six months down to the room to put away. There's so much room left in the closets I almost don't know what to do with it. I'm sure once future-baby is here they'll fill up fast.
Here's some pics of the bedroom transformation: (oops, dead camera battery)
I fully expected to be finishing it up today, and cursing my pessimism as I've reached new heights (lows?) of "glass totally empty" thinking. As luck would have it, this will be a slightly different post as I received a heart pounding, cold sweat inducing, voicemail from our caseworker. After sweating it out over lunch, I called back fully expecting to hear that we’ve been matched. Imagine my chagrin when she only had a couple of checklist items that needed clarification. Crashing back to earth, I dutifully answered the questions in a sing-songy cheerful voice. Staying positive! ha. Near the end of the conversation, she revealed that the questions were specific to a set of expectant parents and they were keeping us from being profiled. As it turns out they were minor issues and we will be profiled to the parents. (this news practically sent me dancing a jig around the conference room) On top of that, someone called to inquire about us because of our profile on the agency’s website. (We put up our blurb on the site knowing that it was a long shot but apparently people look at it!)
Our prospects are certainly picking up, especially since we've made it to the coveted front page of the agency's list.
Still, I'm a pessimist at heart. Trying not to get excited...
yeah, right.
p.s. I'll post pics of the nursery transformation soon now that the camera battery is recharged.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Number 14
The latest update is that we're No. 14 - good news!
Revisiting the math so far.... I calculated that if the pace stayed the same we'd be No. 15 in January 2011.
Yep. Crazy in my head doesn't begin to explain the frustration that it's taken this long. Then again, you're already privy to my crazy head.
Anyway, I talked to our caseworker and (recently) matching has been easy and as a result, the families higher in the list than us are being matched. The three I know about now are Nos. 2, 3 and 9 (one of those is a successful match and the other two are pending.) So, the upshot is, our profile has rarely been shown. As we get higher in the list tons of fears about our video and letters have come to the surface. What if they suck? What if our letters are too long? What if I come off as a bitch or cold? I tend to, at least in certain situations even if I'm not feeling particularly bitchy. It's a hazard of being an introverted thinker in an extroverted touchy-feely world. But, not to worry....yet. I've been reassured that if we were getting turned down by several parents that our caseworker would let us know. Let's just hope it doesn't come to that.
In super-duper-awesome news, Claire posted a comment to me that they got a phone call today! Whooopeee!
Revisiting the math so far.... I calculated that if the pace stayed the same we'd be No. 15 in January 2011.
Yep. Crazy in my head doesn't begin to explain the frustration that it's taken this long. Then again, you're already privy to my crazy head.
Anyway, I talked to our caseworker and (recently) matching has been easy and as a result, the families higher in the list than us are being matched. The three I know about now are Nos. 2, 3 and 9 (one of those is a successful match and the other two are pending.) So, the upshot is, our profile has rarely been shown. As we get higher in the list tons of fears about our video and letters have come to the surface. What if they suck? What if our letters are too long? What if I come off as a bitch or cold? I tend to, at least in certain situations even if I'm not feeling particularly bitchy. It's a hazard of being an introverted thinker in an extroverted touchy-feely world. But, not to worry....yet. I've been reassured that if we were getting turned down by several parents that our caseworker would let us know. Let's just hope it doesn't come to that.
In super-duper-awesome news, Claire posted a comment to me that they got a phone call today! Whooopeee!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
So Much for Perfect Weather
Well, we aren't getting the snow like many other parts of the country, just the freezing cold temperatures. That's the crazy thing about living in Colorado. 70 degrees one day and two days later below zero. The good news? All that work S put into our heating system is paying off. The temperature in our house stayed steady through the night and hopefully today it doesn't drop too much. Tonight will tell the tale though with -15 degrees forecasted. Unfortunately this also means that the boiler runs non-stop. So not looking forward to the bill that comes along with cold weather!
I called the agency for an update on Friday afternoon but our caseworker was out of the office. She didn't call me yesterday which is unusual as she is typically prompt. So, I obsessed about why she isn't calling me back all afternoon. We'll see what today brings.
S finished painting the walls of the nursery last night. After we get the trim done we'll put the furniture in the room. I'm supposed to be choosing a fabric for valances or curtains for my mom to make but as you can see from the past weeks, I've been in a funk. I'm not excited about decorating right now. S however is literally 2 months behind me emotionally. In October/November I was all atwitter about getting stuff done and decorating and putting furniture together. Today, I could care less. S is the the one all freaked out about hurrying to get everything in order. At least one of us is pushing forward at any one time even if the other is over it.
I've got a pretty bad attitude at the moment. I don't feel like we're ever going to get matched. I've spent a whole lot of the last few years angry and am finally moving into apathy. Not acceptance, mind you, apathy.
I called the agency for an update on Friday afternoon but our caseworker was out of the office. She didn't call me yesterday which is unusual as she is typically prompt. So, I obsessed about why she isn't calling me back all afternoon. We'll see what today brings.
S finished painting the walls of the nursery last night. After we get the trim done we'll put the furniture in the room. I'm supposed to be choosing a fabric for valances or curtains for my mom to make but as you can see from the past weeks, I've been in a funk. I'm not excited about decorating right now. S however is literally 2 months behind me emotionally. In October/November I was all atwitter about getting stuff done and decorating and putting furniture together. Today, I could care less. S is the the one all freaked out about hurrying to get everything in order. At least one of us is pushing forward at any one time even if the other is over it.
I've got a pretty bad attitude at the moment. I don't feel like we're ever going to get matched. I've spent a whole lot of the last few years angry and am finally moving into apathy. Not acceptance, mind you, apathy.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
One Way To Deal With Waiting
When we went on the waiting list we I wanted to start getting cute baby things immediately if not sooner. But, I held back. Instead, I decided that we needed to pick up a little something every time we traveled. I also got the bright idea to deck out future-baby in ski-resort wear. I'm missing a couple of ski areas, which will be remedied this year.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Number 17 (still)
I caved. I really really try to make it 2 months before asking for an update but these days I can hardly go two weeks without wondering what's going on. I chatted with our caseworker for a few minutes and found out that there's been matching below us on the list because of extreme circumstances, and that several of the placements they've had this year have been designated. (A designated placement is when prospective adoptive parents meet an expectant mom outside of the agency. In CO you have to use an agency so they end up having to find an agency, or maybe they were already on the list). Since we're all in the same pool, there's movement on the list when a designated placement occurs but it doesn't mean much for those of us who don't have designations. They would skip the designated families in the matching process.
We've been profiled but not chosen. Now it really is just a matter of the right set of circumstances, that one little thing that stands out in our letters or video, and we'll have a match. One of these days.
We've been profiled but not chosen. Now it really is just a matter of the right set of circumstances, that one little thing that stands out in our letters or video, and we'll have a match. One of these days.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Number 17 or 16
I talked to our caseworker today to clarify a few things making it easier for her to make the call on whether to let us know about certain situations. Now there's notes scribbled all over our checklist and it should be easier to match/not match.
We're up to #17 but really #16 because one ahead of us is a designated adoption.
Here's the math update. :-)
Started at #46, currently #16 = 30 spots
16 months, 1 week waiting = 16.25
30/16.25 = 1.84 spots per month.
....any day now. Yep, any day.
We're up to #17 but really #16 because one ahead of us is a designated adoption.
Here's the math update. :-)
Started at #46, currently #16 = 30 spots
16 months, 1 week waiting = 16.25
30/16.25 = 1.84 spots per month.
....any day now. Yep, any day.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Call #3 - Not the one
Our caseworker called me today regarding another situation so that we could decide if we want to be profiled. Granted, she wasn't sure if she should call and present the case or not but wanted to give us the benefit of hearing some details. They weren't details that I wanted to hear. So that's that. I'll admit, I had a knee jerk reaction and didn't even hesitate saying no. If she had been our caseworker through the other two calls I think she would've written us off right away as not being a match.
Every time "Restricted Caller ID" shows up on my phone it gets the adrenalin pumping because I know it's the agency. One of these days instead of hanging up the phone feeling defeated by our struggle with the gray area, I hope the news is that we've been matched. A nice, clear-cut match.
It's ironic to read the posts I wrote about the first call and the second call. I'm definitely in a funk as we head into yet another holiday season sans baby. In fact, that's been the topic of conversation the past few days as S has admitted he's bummed about facing another season. Despite the logic which leads us down the "it won't be until at least next spring" path, we're both sick of the wait and have been secretly hoping that something would happen sooner. I can't even complain about the wait to anyone, well, except for here. All I ever hear, is "It'll happen before you know it" or "Enjoy the time you have together". Of course these statements come from people who are fertile.
Every time "Restricted Caller ID" shows up on my phone it gets the adrenalin pumping because I know it's the agency. One of these days instead of hanging up the phone feeling defeated by our struggle with the gray area, I hope the news is that we've been matched. A nice, clear-cut match.
It's ironic to read the posts I wrote about the first call and the second call. I'm definitely in a funk as we head into yet another holiday season sans baby. In fact, that's been the topic of conversation the past few days as S has admitted he's bummed about facing another season. Despite the logic which leads us down the "it won't be until at least next spring" path, we're both sick of the wait and have been secretly hoping that something would happen sooner. I can't even complain about the wait to anyone, well, except for here. All I ever hear, is "It'll happen before you know it" or "Enjoy the time you have together". Of course these statements come from people who are fertile.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Antsy...
Now that we've been told things are moving along and we're pretty close to being profiled, I've found that I'm super antsy. S and I had a little discussion about what we're most scared of at this point.
His: The first meeting with an expectant mother.
Mine: What the hell do I do with a baby?
Yep, a little bit of a disconnect. I seem to have skipped over a few intermediate steps.
We dragged out the baby names book (we bought a small one because it's just way to overwhelming) last night with a bottle of wine. That was entertaining. Unfortunately S's favorite girl name would be like a Jennifer in our generation it's so darn popular. And...our favorite boy name is also a problem. Friends of ours named their kid our favorite boy name so me being the paranoid freak that I am is afraid to also use it. The last thing I need is teasing that we stole the name from them which is wholly untrue. After all, we're the infertile ones, we've been thinking of names for years. But, no one will see it that way and I'll get mad and skewer any of my friends who even hint that we stole the name. Probably not the way to go.
His: The first meeting with an expectant mother.
Mine: What the hell do I do with a baby?
Yep, a little bit of a disconnect. I seem to have skipped over a few intermediate steps.
We dragged out the baby names book (we bought a small one because it's just way to overwhelming) last night with a bottle of wine. That was entertaining. Unfortunately S's favorite girl name would be like a Jennifer in our generation it's so darn popular. And...our favorite boy name is also a problem. Friends of ours named their kid our favorite boy name so me being the paranoid freak that I am is afraid to also use it. The last thing I need is teasing that we stole the name from them which is wholly untrue. After all, we're the infertile ones, we've been thinking of names for years. But, no one will see it that way and I'll get mad and skewer any of my friends who even hint that we stole the name. Probably not the way to go.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Number 18'ish *edited*
On Friday we had a meeting with our caseworker. Since she's been gone for a year she wanted to meet with us to find out what's been going on. It went pretty well, got to leave work early on a Friday, that's always good!
There's 2 matches in which the babies haven't been born yet, so that's the 'ish part. We shall see.
*9/27/10 edit*
Hmm..I should have written this when S wasn't yelling at me from the family room to go watch "Fam.ily Gu.y" because it was so funny. (It was btw, and this post never got finished). The agency has many expectant moms considering adoption plans and although most will decide to parent, it sounds like things are really moving now. Our caseworker told us that we're very close to being profiled.
There's 2 matches in which the babies haven't been born yet, so that's the 'ish part. We shall see.
*9/27/10 edit*
Hmm..I should have written this when S wasn't yelling at me from the family room to go watch "Fam.ily Gu.y" because it was so funny. (It was btw, and this post never got finished). The agency has many expectant moms considering adoption plans and although most will decide to parent, it sounds like things are really moving now. Our caseworker told us that we're very close to being profiled.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Baby Gear
I'm bragging...yeah, totally.
I've been trolling for used baby gear. I'm typically not good at looking for used stuff but I've lately been trying harder to quell the instant-gratification part of me. It's kind of working.
My goal was to only have to buy a new crib when it came to nursery furniture, and I've managed to make that goal! Since we had the shower I registered but I tried to keep it to gear you really don't want used and asked for used toys and clothing. I knew the clothing thing wouldn't work too well (people love to buy cute little outfits!) but I got some used toys and gear from a couple of friends. From one friend I've received a glider and ottoman which is awesome, and my sister in law is going to give me their crib mattress. Normally I wouldn't take a used mattress but it's family. I know where it's been and who's pooped on it.
So far the tally is pretty good. I've found a used dresser. I ended up getting a changing table from a craig.slisting when I figured out the dresser wasn't wide enough for a changing pad. ooops And the biggest, happiest find yet - Buga.boo Frog stroller. I've been looking at those and decided it fit the bill for being "almost" the perfect stroller. Can't necessarily push it up a mountain like the B.O.B but it'll do fine in our neighborhood. It's a bit awkward for breaking down, but it's super maneuverable and compact. Ironically, you'd think that would make it easy to fold, but no.
Garage sale-ing (ok, my one trip to the massive Staple.ton garage sale and the Just-Between-Friends sale this weekend) has yielded a few items for massive savings.
All that's left to hunt down is a halfway decent high chair.
Oh, and having a baby would be nice too.
And a room in which to put the baby.
And working heat in our house.
heh.
I've been trolling for used baby gear. I'm typically not good at looking for used stuff but I've lately been trying harder to quell the instant-gratification part of me. It's kind of working.
My goal was to only have to buy a new crib when it came to nursery furniture, and I've managed to make that goal! Since we had the shower I registered but I tried to keep it to gear you really don't want used and asked for used toys and clothing. I knew the clothing thing wouldn't work too well (people love to buy cute little outfits!) but I got some used toys and gear from a couple of friends. From one friend I've received a glider and ottoman which is awesome, and my sister in law is going to give me their crib mattress. Normally I wouldn't take a used mattress but it's family. I know where it's been and who's pooped on it.
So far the tally is pretty good. I've found a used dresser. I ended up getting a changing table from a craig.slisting when I figured out the dresser wasn't wide enough for a changing pad. ooops And the biggest, happiest find yet - Buga.boo Frog stroller. I've been looking at those and decided it fit the bill for being "almost" the perfect stroller. Can't necessarily push it up a mountain like the B.O.B but it'll do fine in our neighborhood. It's a bit awkward for breaking down, but it's super maneuverable and compact. Ironically, you'd think that would make it easy to fold, but no.
Garage sale-ing (ok, my one trip to the massive Staple.ton garage sale and the Just-Between-Friends sale this weekend) has yielded a few items for massive savings.
All that's left to hunt down is a halfway decent high chair.
Oh, and having a baby would be nice too.
And a room in which to put the baby.
And working heat in our house.
heh.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Never-ending Stupid Comments
I'm apoplectic. I love that word.
Two things happened yesterday that have my panties in a twist so to speak.
1. Dear old mom made this statement in regards to the physical arrival of our baby. "Well, it's a lot like pregnancy, you don't know when you're going to give birth". Huh? I informed her with a bit of an edge (ok, a lot of an edge) in my tone that SHE had 9 months in which to prepare. Not knowing which exact DAY is NOTHING like waiting for the placement phone call which in our case could come 3 days from now or 8 months from now.
2. Our friends who made it into a recent Perfect Moment Monday post had this to say about the news of a mutual acquaintance's pregnancy: "Well, guess they weren't stressed out". A statement which made me lose my shit. I jumped all over the guy and set him straight on whether or not stress causes infertility. Apparently I have missed some choice articles lately, but he's read them. The mutual acquaintances, as far as I know, have been comfortable with their decision to live child-free for the last, oh, 5-7 years. So, how in the hell does one equate stress=infertility in this equation? Fucking idiot.
As often happens, I have the short conversation setting straight whichever person has made the offending comment, go to sleep and wake up spitting mad ready for a fight. S hates that and it generally leads to some sort of disagreement culminating in me telling S that he's not being supportive. He begs to differ as these comments are hurtful to him too but that he doesn't feel that sending a mass e-mail to our friends in which I berate them all for not listening to my relevant teachings over the past few years, not to mention pointing out that I have been LIVING with infertility for a few years and probably know more than they do, is all that productive.
He may have a point.
Here's the rub. People assume that I am stressed out all the time, after all I have that type of personality. I have been diagnosed with unexplained infertility. When people make the "stress=infertility" comment in my presence I'm offended. It feels like they are telling me in a roundabout way that they think the reason why I didn't get pregnant in 20+ cycles of TTC, drugs and a few IUIs is because I simply do not know how to relax. I want to scream at everyone in my inner circle that I was relaxed the first 6 months of TTC which, by the way included a whole lot of sex in Can.cun while I was ovulating. So, explain to me why I didn't get pregnant then? Oh, right, I must not have been relaxed enough. Yeah, that's it.
I suppose that I have to get used to the moronic general public when it comes to issues about adoption and infertility. As S stated this morning "You know, when our kid gets caught tp'ing someone's house people are going to say that he did it because he's adopted". Right, right, that's it. Because 12-year old boys who stay with their "real parents" don't ever do anything wrong.
I can't win.
Two things happened yesterday that have my panties in a twist so to speak.
1. Dear old mom made this statement in regards to the physical arrival of our baby. "Well, it's a lot like pregnancy, you don't know when you're going to give birth". Huh? I informed her with a bit of an edge (ok, a lot of an edge) in my tone that SHE had 9 months in which to prepare. Not knowing which exact DAY is NOTHING like waiting for the placement phone call which in our case could come 3 days from now or 8 months from now.
2. Our friends who made it into a recent Perfect Moment Monday post had this to say about the news of a mutual acquaintance's pregnancy: "Well, guess they weren't stressed out". A statement which made me lose my shit. I jumped all over the guy and set him straight on whether or not stress causes infertility. Apparently I have missed some choice articles lately, but he's read them. The mutual acquaintances, as far as I know, have been comfortable with their decision to live child-free for the last, oh, 5-7 years. So, how in the hell does one equate stress=infertility in this equation? Fucking idiot.
As often happens, I have the short conversation setting straight whichever person has made the offending comment, go to sleep and wake up spitting mad ready for a fight. S hates that and it generally leads to some sort of disagreement culminating in me telling S that he's not being supportive. He begs to differ as these comments are hurtful to him too but that he doesn't feel that sending a mass e-mail to our friends in which I berate them all for not listening to my relevant teachings over the past few years, not to mention pointing out that I have been LIVING with infertility for a few years and probably know more than they do, is all that productive.
He may have a point.
Here's the rub. People assume that I am stressed out all the time, after all I have that type of personality. I have been diagnosed with unexplained infertility. When people make the "stress=infertility" comment in my presence I'm offended. It feels like they are telling me in a roundabout way that they think the reason why I didn't get pregnant in 20+ cycles of TTC, drugs and a few IUIs is because I simply do not know how to relax. I want to scream at everyone in my inner circle that I was relaxed the first 6 months of TTC which, by the way included a whole lot of sex in Can.cun while I was ovulating. So, explain to me why I didn't get pregnant then? Oh, right, I must not have been relaxed enough. Yeah, that's it.
I suppose that I have to get used to the moronic general public when it comes to issues about adoption and infertility. As S stated this morning "You know, when our kid gets caught tp'ing someone's house people are going to say that he did it because he's adopted". Right, right, that's it. Because 12-year old boys who stay with their "real parents" don't ever do anything wrong.
I can't win.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Vacation - FINALLY
Big Island, here we come!
How is it that our vacations are now constituting baby moons? At least they do in my head. It's the overwhelming need/want to take a kick-ass somewhere-exotic vacation. Never mind that 2 years ago, a road trip around southwest CO was just dandy. It doesn't cut it right now.
S and I sync'ed up our schedules yet again to try to find a week for vacation. One in which neither one of us would come back from vacation only to find ourselves royally screwed and working like a dog to catch up. It went a little something like this:
S: Middle to the end of August is bad, I have a final design due, not enough help, blah blah blah...
Me: Middle to the end of August is wide open!
S: What about Sept?
Me: Mandatory-can't-move meeting second week of Sept. Site visit 3rd or 4th week of Sept. Then we're into Oct. Fuck.
So, you say, what's wrong with Oct? Well, my cousin's wedding is in Oct and we're already booked for that. It'll be fun but I'm a touch frustrated by the fact we keep ending up taking a vacation to the east on get this: The same exact week in Oct. It'll be our third time. Fun yes, but the beaches are a little chilly. :)
Ok, so why don't we wait until Oct to just take vacation? S has use or lose vacation meaning his company gives him so many weeks a year and if he doesn't use them all up then they don't carry over to the next year. Lame. So, we have a week in Oct locked up for the wedding/family stuff. Need to use at least another week. Plus, after Oct. I'm especially leery of planning any trips. At that point we'll be in "really, seriously, a match could come up at any time" territory.
Which brings us back to the present. The only week we could coordinate. First week of August. Then comes the next question, where do we want to go? Living in a landlocked state always makes me want to go to a beach. Aaaannddd, while I like road trips (it was one idea), I see in our future many, many road trips, 'cause we won't have the money to do anything else. Originally I thought we might re-create our honey moon trip and go back to Haw.aii for our 10-year but at this point we'll have a toddler for our 10-year. I'm thinking a nice dinner out will be difficult to swing, forget travel. The decision? What the hell, we have disposable income still (haha), let's do it!
There you go. A little look into my head the past 3 days. It's exhausting being me.
10 days to go! And 3 reports to finish. It's going to be a working kind of weekend.
p.s. I have not forgotten about the shower but I want to ...wait for it...post pictures! and haven't had time. I know my mention earlier wasn't so positive but it was good. At least my friends tell me they had fun - it's the weird family dynamics that did me in.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Fire Drill No. 2 and No. 25
Last night I logged onto my computer to look up whatever nasty little aphid or bug is infesting my brussels sprouts. I released 2,000 ladybugs on Sunday night and yesterday they had all flown the coop. Yet there was a smorgasbord right in front of their beady little eyes!
Instead of researching bugs I saw this message sitting in my e-mail box from our caseworker: Seeking prospective adoptive family! *gulp*. It's another situation outside of what would be considered "normal" but fuzzier than the last one. On top of us struggling to figure out if we should revisit our checklist, (because really, how many times can I spend a couple hours frantically goo.gling combinations of possibilities before I go crazy?), the baby is currently in cradle care.
We could very well have a baby in a few days.
...but we won't because, as I stated before we're struggling pretty hard with the information presented to us. But at least we're learning what the hell an Apgar score is and the various other things that have effect on outcomes...
On the plus side, after a long talk with our caseworker I learned that we are No. 25 on the list and there are 2 matches in limbo at the moment so we may move up a couple spots in a few weeks when the babies are born. There's also a few expectant mothers due in mid-July and August who are currently making adoption plans although that could change. We're still on pace at 1.75 spots per month which means our best chance for a match is probably after the first of the year. However, we are still open to considering cases that don't quite fit despite my loss of productivity every time it happens. Not that S isn't involved, but I have the researcher gene more than he does. :)
Guess I better get going on the work I'm supposed to be doing today!
Instead of researching bugs I saw this message sitting in my e-mail box from our caseworker: Seeking prospective adoptive family! *gulp*. It's another situation outside of what would be considered "normal" but fuzzier than the last one. On top of us struggling to figure out if we should revisit our checklist, (because really, how many times can I spend a couple hours frantically goo.gling combinations of possibilities before I go crazy?), the baby is currently in cradle care.
We could very well have a baby in a few days.
...but we won't because, as I stated before we're struggling pretty hard with the information presented to us. But at least we're learning what the hell an Apgar score is and the various other things that have effect on outcomes...
On the plus side, after a long talk with our caseworker I learned that we are No. 25 on the list and there are 2 matches in limbo at the moment so we may move up a couple spots in a few weeks when the babies are born. There's also a few expectant mothers due in mid-July and August who are currently making adoption plans although that could change. We're still on pace at 1.75 spots per month which means our best chance for a match is probably after the first of the year. However, we are still open to considering cases that don't quite fit despite my loss of productivity every time it happens. Not that S isn't involved, but I have the researcher gene more than he does. :)
Guess I better get going on the work I'm supposed to be doing today!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)