We're number 8. Holy shitskies things are moving fast around there. I had a conversation with our caseworker today regarding something not really related to being matched and she looked up where we were on the list. I expected to be in the same spot as two weeks ago.
One of the things the agency does that I feel is a good way to protect the parties involved is to not set up meetings between the expectant parents and the waiting families until she's a few weeks away from her due date. This way, the mother and father (hopefully) doesn't feel coerced into the match by meeting us too early, and we don't have as much emotional risk waiting for the birth of the baby. One of my biggest fears is that the parents feel like they've been pushed to make an adoption plan when maybe one or both of them really didn't want to. I realize the agency is in the business of making successful matches but they have been transparent and I think that they truly have all parties' interests at heart. Their statistics show that there are very few adoptions compared to the number of expectant mothers that inquire or get counseling from them. Still, once we meet the parents is it bad to ask questions about how they feel about their decision? As much as I want a baby, I don't want the parents to regret their decision for the rest of their lives. I'm not saying that it'll be all sunshine and rainbows, I know better than that. Blah, this is difficult to express on the page. I give up.
A couple months ago I thought the wait couldn't get any worse. Boy was I wrong. I'm a jittery bundle of nerves (or maybe it's the king cake and copious amounts of caffeine from today).
Hmm...I think it's an excellent question to ask, and I admire your wise and kind concern about wanting to make sure the birth parents are sure and not feeling pressured. Lori over at Write Mind Open Heart has written a lot about this...she might know more?
ReplyDeleteCongrats on moving up the list so quickly!
These are the same reasons why we choose and feel really comfortable with the agency too. I also had the same questions about what to say/ask the expectant parents. I ended up not questioning them though as I also didn't want to come across as not trusting their decision. I'm not saying this was or should be the way to go but in our situation, the birth parents seemed comfortable and set with their decision. SO HARD! btw, our baby girl was born 10 days early which through us for a loop. We just got home with her on Sunday - SO SURREAL and so awesome! Your time is coming soon!! I'm thinking of you and keep checking in here for updates :)
ReplyDeleteI understand what you're saying :-) And I understand why it's so hard to put into words.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I've read from birth parent blogs is that the decision needs to be made again after the baby is born. So maybe that takes the pressure off asking that question during a match meeting.
Really, you are not wholly responsible for making them OK. You are wholly responsible for selecting an ethical agency (which it sounds like you've done), being truthful (which I know you are) and following through on your commitments. Then, you just trust the process...
Easier said than done, I know!
Good luck Tara, I'm glad you are moving up on the list at last, though I'm this brings with it new feelings and concerns. You're in my heart!
ReplyDeletewaiting sucks no doubt about it. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE the one fish two fish mural!