I wasn't going to talk about this until we had our appointment, but I'm feeling the need to
Along with all the emotional stuff, I would really like to know what's wrong with me. Now that I know better, I've decided that consulting with one of the best clinics in the country is probably the I'm 38, I'm not expecting much, but I want to know what my chances are so that we can make an informed decision once again. The difference from the decision we made to end treatments a few years ago is that the emotions aren't as high anymore. We made that decision when I was so deep into depression that I could barely function. I hated life and I was so angry that all I had been hearing was that all my tests looked great and there was no reason why I shouldn't be pregnant. No reason that is, except that I didn't get pregnant. This time, depression symptoms are under control, I can think clearly and objectively.
S is not so much into this path, especially after looking at the S-A-R-T data in my age group. It's different for men, and that has been clear here. He went through the grieving of a biological child, wrapped it up in his brain, and moved on. While he's as frustrated as I am that building our family is much more difficult than the traditional route, he's made peace, and he looks forward. He tells me often that my hindsight vision is way better than 20/20 and he wishes it wasn't that way. Now, I'm second guessing the decision to stop treatments when we did. Therapist keeps reminding me that at the time we made the decision, I wasn't in an emotional place to move forward, and that's ok. But, it doesn't feel ok, when your biological clock is a ticking time bomb. Based on my age, I've officially fallen off the fertility cliff and maybe all I need is to hear that from one of the best doctors so that I can finally put it all to bed. I don't even know how I feel about moving forward with I-V-F. There's the cost. There's the drugs. There's the injections. There's the hijacking of my system. There's the chance I'll have poor response. There's the chance I'll have ridiculously good response. There's the chance that it'll work on the first round. There's the chance we'll have to make a decision about leftover embryos. There's the chance that it won't work on multiple rounds. Am I ready for that?
Forget the medical stuff, am I ready to hear "I knew you'd get pregnant after adopting!"????
Good luck! IVF is a tough road. But you have to be able to look back with no regrets. I hope your new dr is able to shed some light on things and maybe provide some answers.
ReplyDeleteI totally understand about needing that closure. I had to do a second IVF since the first led to inconclusive results (got pregnant, but it ended almost immediately). I still feel there are unanswered questions after the second one ended the same way, but I at least felt I had tried my best and covered my options. My decision to then move forward with adoption lifted the weight of the world off my shoulders. I hope your visit with the doctor is informative and that you find closure with your decision to do it or not.
ReplyDeleteWell, I did it 4 times, but pretty much blew my last embryos on an unmedicated cycle cause I was pretty much saying goodbye to the whole process. Just ran out of money and heart for it. My husband STILL talks about the money we spent. I don't really care, it was worth the chance to me. Frankly, I still wonder on occasion what it would have been like for us if our family building had just been easier. There are no guarantees in life. There are just the choices we make and how we live with them.
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