Thursday, July 17, 2014

Meeting for the First Time

She is so freaking cute.  Expectant mom, I mean.

We had our first meeting with her and it went really well.  She chose us because we are kind of in the science industry as she has interest in the sciences.  And did that show!  I felt immediately in tune with her thought processes and logic.

We, well, I mostly, talked about the failed match with last summer and how that is affecting our approach to this match.  While they are totally different situations, and this match is far more positive (in hindsight), it still remains that everything can change when the baby is born.

So, we'll see.  Expected due date is August 31.

I told my supervisor, because I was supposed to travel the week of the due date, but I have been able to pass that project to someone else.  I'm bummed about missing out on the opportunity to work on this particular dam, but I'll be able to stay involved a little bit by reviewing the report that comes out of it.  It's hard to balance my desire to work on some of these projects with the realities of family life. Supervisor is supposed to keep it quiet given the last two failures, but that remains to be seen.  He isn't the best at keeping information to himself.

We are thinking about names as she told us that she is not planning on nor has entertained any names.  It's funny how much our list has changed since we first started trying to come up with a list.

I don't have much to write because I'm feeling shut-down.  Anxiety is starting to rear its head, with tiny bursts of hopefulness.  Very tiny.  minuscule.  I'm not sure I'm going to feel much of anything other than anxiety until there is a baby in our house for good.

8 comments:

  1. Wow. I'm sure you guys are feeling a variety of emotions at the moment. I hope with all my heart that this match works out for you guys. Plus my daughter's birthday is August 30th so it has great adoption vibes in my opinion ;)

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    1. I will take any great vibes I can get! Thanks.

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  2. I feel so much when I read this. I understand completely how scary this all is. It sounds like you are daring to hope, which is so brave and wonderful - I think expectant mom needs to see this too, even though it's so freaking difficult to do, especially when it's really all in her court and it leaves you so vulnerable.

    She sounds perfect - I love that she has similar interests to you guys. Isn't this one of the most amazing parts about open adoption? Allowing the birth family to place their children into families that have the same make-up and interests that they do. At the end of the day, if nothing else, this is the base of it all.

    I also hear you on the work project front. I've been hesitant to tell anyone at work that we're in the process of going back on the list, because I'm really enjoying the projects I'm being asked to work on. It's a very difficult space to be in ... the "I may be going on parental leave but I may not be" dilemma. I try and tell myself that there will always be interesting projects, that I'm not missing out on the one and only opportunity to ever do anything great with my career.

    All in all, I feel very optimistic about everything this time. It just sounds right, like it's all fitting into place. That you have time to work through your hesitancy and vulnerability. You have time to get to know her. You have time to get ready and pick a NAME!!!! August 31st seems so far away, but oh my god, it's only what, 6 weeks away? This seems like a perfect amount of time for you, your husband and expectant mom to really put this all together in your minds and perhaps get to know each other a bit.

    I'm so excited for you. I am hoping with all my heart and soul that this is really it. I feel like it is.

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    1. Aw thanks...I do feel better about this match in general. It's a little weird though because I'm so used to chaos in adoption, and while she has been through chaos in recent times, it really seems like she has her head on straight and is functional and is doing well. It feels odd to be interacting with someone like that who is seriously considering an adoption placement. She told us she feels like a surrogate and that this isn't her baby.

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  3. Phew, so scary - and exciting - and wonderful. Lots of good thoughts and prayers for you lady!!

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  4. I like the positive vibes and the fact that you guys identify with each other, that's really important. I also like that you were able to share your feelings.(I also like, randomly, that you work on dams. That's pretty awesome.) My father in law is an engineer and it's funny but we have so much trouble relating to each other, so it's nice to have someone that shares your way of thinking.

    Anywho, cheering you on silently. And hoping the universe will let you breathe over the next month.

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