The Sound of Hope, by Anne Bauer is an adoptee's memoir. Here are my answers to questions posted by other readers on this tour.
1. I was struck by how differently the many adoptees in the
book (Bauer, her brothers, her adoptee friends) approached the possibility
of finding their birth parents. While I totally understood the author's need to
find her birth parents I was surprised that other adoptees didn't feel that
same urge, or that it was trumped by guilt or ambivalence. Did you identify
more with the author's drive to find her parents at any cost or did you better
understand better the other adoptees' ambivalence? Why?
I identify with Anne more than her brothers on searching. However, I definitely have a "need to know" part of my personality (evidenced by my most recent posts and thoughts toward infertility). I couldn't get a read on Anne's brothers because it seemed that their upbringing may have also contributed to their feelings of the hand they were dealt. I suppose that unless they write their own memoirs, we (and maybe even Anne) can never be privy to how they really feel toward their birthparents. Her brother Brian let her down because at one point he promised to help her search and then when she was determined to search, he rejected her.
2. Could Anne's
adopted brother's drinking problem have been brought on by his tense upbringing
verses heredity? With having such an alarming rate of adoptees with drug
and alcohol issues, mental health issues leading to incarceration, could some
of unhealthy adoptive home environments have anything to with the tragic outcomes
as well? What could we do as a society to look at the root of the problem and
come with some better solutions?
There was a study in Sweden that showed the following statistics studying 18 115
adopted children born between 1950 and 1993; 78 079 biological parents
and siblings; and 51 208 adoptive parents and siblings. The conclusion from the available abstract: Drug
abuse is an etiologically complex syndrome strongly influenced by a
diverse set of genetic risk factors reflecting a specific liability to
DA, by a vulnerability to other externalizing disorders, and by a range
of environmental factors reflecting marital instability, as well as
psychopathology and criminal behavior in the adoptive home. Adverse
environmental effects on DA are more pathogenic in individuals with high
levels of genetic risk. These results should be interpreted in the
context of limitations of the diagnosis of DA from registries. In my opinion, this study concluded that the most at-risk individuals are those who have high levels of genetic risk. Not to mention that there are so many other factors that can contribute to the risk of drug and alcohol abuse.
Maybe this question is leading to how the adoptive parents approach the child's curiosity and issues toward their biological families. In some situations, no matter what, biological or adoptive, there will be a child who has issues with addiction. In situations, such as those described in Bauer's book, we aren't given all the facts. But there are a partial listing of facts. There was most definitely mental health issues and addiction in Anne's family. What we don't know is whether her brothers' biological families have addiction as well. In this particular case, it could have been both biological and situational, or the dysfunction within their family caused the stressors, which activated addictive tendencies. But, who's to say that addiction would not have played a part in their lives if they weren't adopted?
3. A variety of words are used to describe family in this book:
mother, father, adoptive mother, adoptive father, biological relative, original
family, first mother, birth mother, and even bionic mother (her Dad's word).
Did you notice this word choice, and if so, what impact did it have on your
reading?
As someone who struggles between first-mother and birth-mother
on a regular basis (I like first-mother, but get annoyed when I have to
explain it), the various terms tended not to bother me much. I did find
it really odd that her father used the term "bionic" mother. It seemed
sarcastic, like he couldn't really acknowledge the presence of her
first-mother despite his acquiescence that Anne have a relationship with
her. As the story progressed, I felt more and more uncomfortable with
that term, and still feel a little un-moored thinking about it.
To continue to
the next leg of this book tour, please visit the main list at LavenderLuz.com.
First of all, I apologize that the link I gave GeoChick was incomplete. The rest of the tour can be gotten to via http://lavenderluz.com/2013/04/adoptlit-sound-of-hope-book-tour.html.
ReplyDeleteLike you, I am a wonderer. So I identified more with Anne's desire to know and search than I did with her brothers' desires to leave well enough alone.
Good points about addiction and the nature/nurture argument. There are so many factors that go into the forming of a person, and no easy way to isolate variables.
And I had the same reaction to the word "bionic."
Thank you SO MUCH for participating in this tour. I always enjoy knowing your take on things.
When I was growing up you heard the term "real mother" used for first-mother. I even have a memory of my adoptive father using that term when he wasn't saying "bionic". People would always ask me about my "real" mother and if I was ever going to try and find her. I never liked the term "real" and always felt as I was growing up that she was instead the woman who gave birth to me. Then it changed sometime in the late 1970's-1980's to biological-mother which I felt a lot more comfortable with and then finally to birth-mother in the 90's. I am only recently familiar with the new term of "first-mother" and I have to say that this is the best term yet!
ReplyDeleteHere via The Sound of Hope book tour...
ReplyDelete1) I also chose to answer the question about who I identified more with and likewise have a "need to know" side of my personality too. So I imagine if I was adopted and didn't know the identity of one or both of my first parents, that I would try to find out.
I think you make a good point here, "I couldn't get a read on Anne's brothers because it seemed that their upbringing may have also contributed to their feelings of the hand they were dealt." I agree with you and though I am curious to know what makes them tick, echo your thoughts that we will likely never know.
2) Thank you for sharing about that study. That is really interesting and I appreciate what you said about how "in this particular case, it could have been both biological and situational, or the dysfunction within their family caused the stressors, which activated addictive tendencies." I wondered about the factors that contributed to their behavior and also believe it was likely a combination of both hereditary and situational factors.
3) Bionic mother didn't do much for me either. As for birth vs. first mother, both make sense to me and I am coming around to using/understanding why first mother is a good choice/term to use.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on The Sound of Hope! As the sister of an adoptive mother and aunt to two adoptees/her children, I am learning a lot from this experience.
"Bionic" was one of the references that really got to me when reading The Sound of Hope, I think in part because it felt sarcastic, and more. The term wasn't explained, so I had to wonder and I certainly did... It perhaps grabbed me because I hold so much sacredness for my kiddos' birth moms (their preference of term, which may change as they age or not...we know language is fluid). I too wish I had had more facts in parts of Anne's book, especially about her brothers. However those facts, regardless if known or not, belong to them as pieces of their stories, and I SO support that. I thank Anne for sharing her perspective and story. I would also like to know how Anne is doing today, how she feels and how her relationships are faring. I wish her only continued healing.
ReplyDeleteI find the differences in adoptee attitudes toward searching very interesting. I, too, think I would be driven to search. But I have a friend who is adopted and I remember her telling me that her brother (who is also adopted) had no interest in searching for his birth parents and couldn't understand her need to find hers. And, when I look at my kids, I have to say adoption is much more an issue for my daughter. And she's much more interested in her birth parents. (In fact, every now and then, I look at my son, and think Did we forget to tell you that you're adopted? -- We didn't, of course, but he seems so uninterested.
ReplyDeleteThis looks like one I will have to check out! Thanks for the recap!
ReplyDeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteI was also put off by the "bionic" mom term. So much so it was one of the questions I put to the group. After reading other members of the tours' posts, I wonder now if the author finds it distracting. Everything about adoption is so emotionally charged and names are a particularly sensitive issue as they seemingly designate your value in the child's life. I wonder how much this keep people from having productive discussions.
"Her brother Brian let her down because at one point he promised to help her search and then when she was determined to search, he rejected her."
ReplyDeleteI wholeheartedly agree with you. I thought for sure Anne's brother was going to come to her defense. I was still hoping he would explain himself because the two seemed to share such a closeness at one time.
I have found having a non-biological brother close in age, that was also adopted and struggled with serious mental health issues for much of his life, that regardless if our adoptive parents had done everything absolutely right in raising us, I believe he was dealt some tough problems. If they had even bothered to get me counseling, I would have explained that his demon was an attachment disorder, long before I even knew it had a name for it.
JoAnne
Thanks for sharing this Swedish study. As an adult adoptee (who has struggled with mental illness), I think an important thing to point out in terms of adoption advocacy is ... medical health history. Adoptees must have access to this information, including mental health history. Adoptive parents need access to this, not to state, "oh this child is damaged," but to have any history of mental illness in the family to be something noted and to be aware of.
ReplyDeleteIt's this lack of awareness, this stigma, this PC attitude of not wanting to say all adoptees are damaged (they are not, but the trauma of losing your family, ethnicity and biology is real) ... it leads to everyone assuming if the adoptee says he's okay and happy with his adopted status, it doesn't 100% mean there are NO post-adoption issues.
Anyone, adopted or non-adopted, growing up in a home with substance abuse or untreated mental illness will be affected!
Thanks so much,
Laura