I compare myself to others, like a lot. Like 24 hours a day 7 days a week. At the moment I'm on a F-B hold because I'm starting to wonder if it affects my mental health. Ah, forget that, it definitely affects my mental health. Even though I know my friends are pregnant, I hate the posts that state how awesome it was to hear a heartbeat. Granted, that one occurred on the same weekend that we subjected ourselves to a racial identity and racism workshop that left me rattled for 4 days and required two therapy appointments to work through (along with my inability to attend baby showers and extreme jealousy over other's announcements).
I compare myself to other bloggers. Usually, when I'm feeling like my mind is a sieve that retains nothing useful, I remind myself I'm an engineer. Expressing myself in general is difficult for me and I'm always had an abrupt and somewhat stilted writing style. Given the push to be a straight-A student through my entire life and my penchant for reading, you'd think that I would have developed a fluid and thoughful writing style. Occasionally I think I do capture that style I'm striving for, but those posts usually take me days to write. More often than not I'm blogging like it's a diary, spewing forth a stream of consciousness complete with snarky comments and horrible grammar.
It leaves me feeling dissatisfied to read everyone else's awesome posts that are so well crafted and offer so many insights when all I'm doing is trying to keep my head above water between work, Baby X and exercise. I'm so exhausted at home that all I want to do is turn my brain off and veg out, not expand my horizons.
I'm not stopping blogging, I actually find it useful and feel like I learn something every time I read. However, I seem to be in a bit of a slump. As in, I never did write Part 3 of my Internally Conflicted series and I have no motivation to start it yet. So, if you don't see me around as much, I guess I'm on a break?
Holy sh*t it's 11:30pm and snowing. Tomorrow's commute is going to suck. Later.
Well you are in good company then because my posts are far from awesome and are more infrequent than I'd like. They sound so fluid and great in my head at 3 am, but when I get around to writing them...they are meh at best. And yeah FB sucks.
ReplyDeleteHope you find your mojo and enjoy your break!
I like your blog and your writing. Please keep doing it. :)
ReplyDeleteI like reading your blog because it's raw and honest. Until you get paid subscribers you're not obligated to write Part 3 until you feel like it.
ReplyDeleteSo know the feeling - I have a love-hate relationship with FB.
ReplyDeleteYou need a vacation - perhaps a few days alone with hubby - or maybe a family getaway? You need something to look forward to. Do you ever spend time with other adoptive mums?
ReplyDeleteI like the way you write and express.
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