The post in which I bitch non-stop.
I'm getting really sick of reading about kids, pregnancies, and how parents were matched with their babies within months of completing their homestudies. Yeah, so don't read anything I guess. It's hard to hide on FB when your previously infertile friends are talking about their kids. I mean, I'm not supposed to be pissed, right? They suffered miscarriages, or it took a boatload of acupuncture, or it took a long-ass time of temping, or it took several IUI's. Yet, when I realize that their kid is now 2 years old, and they're posting about milestones and activities, it's just a reminder that I am stuck in the EXACT SAME SPOT. Waiting for something to happen. I don't track my cycles anymore and there's nothing standing in between my stupid ass uterus from waking up and doing what it's supposed to. Guess what? My cycles are still rolling along like clockwork.
Nothing, has gone MY way in this entire fucking 4+ year process. Never seen a hint of BFP, stumped my acupuncturist, our wait for a match is rapidly approaching 2x as long as predicted, and our homestudy renewal is due by the end of June. I said before that all I want now is to not have to go through the renewal process again. Given my track record, we'll be renewing the fucking thing in a few weeks. Oh boy, yet another physcial, home inspection, and game of twenty questions.
This weekend we have a "beach" party planned at one of the local ski areas. Two months ago when I sent out the evite I was certain, certain I tell you, that we would canceling due to an expected arrival. Well....see you on the beach! I'll be the drunk one.
*edit*
S so eloquently put all my thoughts into a nice neat sentence. "It's like we're in the last half mile of a marathon and ready to quit". Ironically, this is the first time we've really been emotionally in the same place at the same time. I admitted to him that I'm so frustrated and pissed off at life in general that I'm ready to give up, say, ok, no kids and leave it at that. He admitted he feels the same way, but that would be like quitting the race right before you reach the finish line. I guess, then, that the slogging to the finish line through the thick heavy rains will continue. One day, the sun might shine again.
I'm getting really sick of reading about kids, pregnancies, and how parents were matched with their babies within months of completing their homestudies. Yeah, so don't read anything I guess. It's hard to hide on FB when your previously infertile friends are talking about their kids. I mean, I'm not supposed to be pissed, right? They suffered miscarriages, or it took a boatload of acupuncture, or it took a long-ass time of temping, or it took several IUI's. Yet, when I realize that their kid is now 2 years old, and they're posting about milestones and activities, it's just a reminder that I am stuck in the EXACT SAME SPOT. Waiting for something to happen. I don't track my cycles anymore and there's nothing standing in between my stupid ass uterus from waking up and doing what it's supposed to. Guess what? My cycles are still rolling along like clockwork.
Nothing, has gone MY way in this entire fucking 4+ year process. Never seen a hint of BFP, stumped my acupuncturist, our wait for a match is rapidly approaching 2x as long as predicted, and our homestudy renewal is due by the end of June. I said before that all I want now is to not have to go through the renewal process again. Given my track record, we'll be renewing the fucking thing in a few weeks. Oh boy, yet another physcial, home inspection, and game of twenty questions.
This weekend we have a "beach" party planned at one of the local ski areas. Two months ago when I sent out the evite I was certain, certain I tell you, that we would canceling due to an expected arrival. Well....see you on the beach! I'll be the drunk one.
*edit*
S so eloquently put all my thoughts into a nice neat sentence. "It's like we're in the last half mile of a marathon and ready to quit". Ironically, this is the first time we've really been emotionally in the same place at the same time. I admitted to him that I'm so frustrated and pissed off at life in general that I'm ready to give up, say, ok, no kids and leave it at that. He admitted he feels the same way, but that would be like quitting the race right before you reach the finish line. I guess, then, that the slogging to the finish line through the thick heavy rains will continue. One day, the sun might shine again.
I'm so sorry you are struggling right now. Some days just really suck, and today is one of those days.
ReplyDeleteHere's to hoping tomorrow is a bit easier. Take care.
I'm sorry your having such a hard time. I think I'm in that same place too. Just when I think I'm okay with everything, the waiting, the FB updates, friends pregnancy announcements, it all becomes too much to handle.
ReplyDelete(((HUGS)))I hope things start to brighten for you, and I hope you have fun on your beach trip.
it sucks I know. I totally felt that way too. so hard. Try to enjoy your beach party and know that you are indeed in the homestretch.
ReplyDelete