Good morning!
I'm excited to finally have time to participate again. Here's the lowdown:
My husband, whom I refer to as S here, and I are adopting in the state of Colorado through an agency. Colorado has some pretty strict adoption laws (from my cursory evaluation of other states) and it's a double edged sword. While I'm happy that we have to go through agencies, and certain avenues like using a facilitator is illegal, I have a feeling it makes our wait much longer. See, double edged sword! I like to think that mothers are not coerced, or at least there's much less of that going on here but I chafe against our wait daily.
The wait: We completed our homestudy and were approved for adoption over 14 months ago. Our agency experienced an extremely slow period right as we got on the list. It has since picked up and we are currently number 21. Most of the matching occurs in the first 12-15 couples so we still have a ways to go but at least we're on the backside of the waiting curve.
To shower or not shower? I decided to act like every other 'expectant' mom and my family threw me a baby shower this summer. It ended up being a bad idea. Don't get me wrong, my mom throws a great party and what other baby shower has beer? However, we had just updated our homestudy, I was in a funk, and the whole thing felt forced to me. After this experience, I don't recommend having a shower before you're matched.
Friends having babies: Currently we are being lapped by several friends who started TTC way after us. They are on their second round of babies. Yesterday I got a birth announcement from someone I didn't even know was pregnant. I hate that.
*edit* If you have a question for me, leave it in comments and I'll answer this week. Helps give me something to talk about since I'm grasping lately. Not much happens when you're waiting.
Stopping by from ICLW...thank you for sharing your insight with the baby shower. We are adopting too, and my MIL wants to throw us a shower now. I have been debating about letting her plan it now or waiting until we at least get matched.
ReplyDeleteAnd I am sorry about the pg/birth announcements, those are no fun.
Happy ICLW! I am also now a new follower and can't wait for your match post. When I was waiting for my daughter to be born, a friend of mine and my work threw a shower for me. Even though I was 99.99999% sure that she would in fact be placed with us, the showers still made me a little uneasy. I was much happier at the shower another friend threw shortly after her birth and placement. :-)
ReplyDeleteHey there. I'm having the same prob with friends having babies. Try as might to be excited (and I am, really) I usually just burst into tears immediately after the "we just had a baby" phonecall (which also includes lots of "oh my god it was amazing" details. blech.). I completely feel your pain!
ReplyDeleteOn the flip side, glad you are now seeing movement on the list. This waiting thing is a $%#@!.
Pix--Cheese Curds and Kimchi
Thanks for sharing your thoughts about the shower. I was leaning more toward waiting and feel better about that decision now. I also think I am in a lull with the baby announcements for a bit (I hope). I just hope we don't get lapped a 3rd time!
ReplyDeleteHi, thanks for your visit to my blog!
ReplyDeleteI hope that your wait won't be much longer.
We live in Illinois and like Colorado, the use of facilitators is illegal. We are with an agency that provides nothing to the birthmother but counseling (no financial assitance). Recently, it has been very very slow. I do look at other's waits and realize that they are much much faster than ours and often dwell on it.
ReplyDeleteTo better days ahead...
Happy ICLW! Love your blog layout--makes me want bubblegum :)
ReplyDeleteWe are parents after IVF, and are so hopeful we can add to our family through adoption. For my question, can you talk more about why you chose domestic adoption?
I hope you move up that list quickly! I once got a surprise birth anouncement from a friend who did not know how to tell me she was pregnant. She lived far away so I didn't see her for about a year, and she didn't plan that pregnancy and didn't know how to tell me as she knew of my troubles... I would have prefered her telling me earlier, I must say...
ReplyDeleteHappy ICLW! From #105 - Marion
Congrats on moving on up the waiting list! That is so exciting. Hopefully it moves quickly now and you'll be in the #12 slot soon!
ReplyDeleteHappy ICLW #115
http://lovelyladybump.blogspot.com/
I'm glad to hear you're moving up on the waiting list and can't wait for your matched post!
ReplyDeleteICLW
hoping for a quick match!!!
ReplyDeletewe are adopting from korea and had our baby shower in july after we had been matched in march...but, even that was still hard because now i've had all this STUFF in the nursery and our little guy still isn't home and probably won't be until november...it's just more stuff that i felt like i had to deal with and think about on top of all the other things we go through in IF.
but, anyway. happy thoughts for a quick match!
happy iclw!
Hoping and praying you move up the waiting list quickly.
ReplyDeleteOther than the bumpy road to parenthood, is there anything about your adult life that really surprises you?
~ICLW #18
Thanks for sharing. i love your honesty. I also enjoyed your "why domestic" post.
ReplyDeleteI totally get that "lapped" feeling. Good lord, sometimes I want to scream, "Really?! You're on your THIRD kid??? Third???? REALLY?!?"
Sorry that your shower felt forced. I hoped that you get matched sooner than expected. I am sure that you will find that your adoption will be an amazing link between two families.
Best of luck to you and positive vibes for a speedy wait coming your way!
http://funnylittlepollywogs.com
ICLW#53
I didn't dare have a shower that friends kinda wanted me to. What was the point if I didn't actually "get" a kid, right? However, when we brought him home, I came home to a tons of gifts and I had a open house and people brought gifts. My favourite - FOOD! Very helpful when you don't have time to grocery shop or cook.
ReplyDeleteHi there, sorry the shower didn't work out. I was thinking it would be a good idea because it's a tangible way for people to show support during an awkward wait time (and it's nice to have the stuff before you need it, especially if you have an instant situation), but I guess that awkwardness could make it even worse. It's too bad that you had to have yet another frustrating experience. Here's hoping things turn for the better soon. Worst case, it's at least getting colder, and ski season's getting closer :)
ReplyDelete