Public Service Announcement (cue music)
When you have an adoption baby shower before you are matched or have the baby be sure to somehow convey that fact on the invites.
...the more you know....
I'm up to at least five of these types of messages "Oh, I'm so happy for you guys, are you getting a boy or a girl!?!?", or "Just got your invite, so do you have news?"
Uh, not so much. I thought that just past the year mark would be a good time to really think about putting the nursery together. Plus my aunts wanted to come out for it and they have school-year-related jobs so the summer was a great time. Plus my mom-in-law, sis-in-law and mom are super excited to throw a shower.
In the pit of my stomach I feel like a fraud. Like I don't deserve to have a baby shower before there is real live evidence that there is a baby. There's no belly to measure with toilet paper or talk about kicking and hiccups and boob soreness or stretch marks or any of the oh so fun parts of pregnancy. I'm still me. Still hitting happy hour. Still jumping around. Still doing field work. Yep, pretty much no evidence of a baby anywhere except on a little piece of paper. So what the hell is anyone going to talk about at my party? They can't regale me with labor stories, or what to do post partum, or any of that stuff. I'll betcha' $100 it'll still come up in the form of "aren't you lucky to not get fat or stretch marks or hemm.rhoids".
Maybe I should frame the letter that "officially" makes us expectant parents and display it at the shower.
*edit* Ok, so I'm a cranky girl right now. I know everyone's excited for us but sometimes my head goes a little wonky. The vacillating between being excited and freaking out may have more to do with the level of stress I have at work than with anything regarding baby. S has it down right. He leaves work and does an admirable job of putting it out of his head. I think about it constantly. Good thing I didn't marry someone like me.
I know what you mean. Yes, we were matched when we had our shower, but just barely. We planned the shower so my mega-pregnant sis-in-law could come, not because we had news. It was planned before we were matched.
ReplyDeleteRelax about the talking. Ten to one, people will just be excited for you and want to celebrate that (eventually) you will be a mommy. I did feel like a fraud, but then I realized, "Hey! This is my only chance to do this - I'm going to enjoy it!" And I did. It's all a matter of attitude and perspective.
And, I'm so anal, that if we had a baby with nothing ready, I would have totally freaked out. I could live with an empty nursery; I couldn't live with my baby sleeping in a dresser drawer!!
Ooooh I hate the "Aren't you lucky..." statements. They rank right up there with the "Well at least..." comments.
ReplyDelete(I just discovered your blog through another adoption blog. Hi. =) It's been fun to read through! I look forward to reading more!)
Oh! And everytime someone says, "Well at least..." say, "You're right. Wanna write the next check?"
ReplyDeleteha ha ha!
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ReplyDeleteYou're not a fraud. You're waiting adoptive parents - this is just how it goes in the adoption circle. When people are clueless, make it a moment to educate. (Kind of like when I got married in my very Jewish wedding, I made a 10 page explanatory program for the 75% of guests who weren't Jewish.) So long as you frame everything with positive language, the ppl who love you and want to support you will do so. Don't fret about the Miss Manners part of this - adoption is a whole new ballgame!
ReplyDeleteYay!!! Having a baby is ALWAYS something to celebrate!! Don't for ONE MILLISECOND let ONE person make you feel bad for how you and S are doing things. It's YOUR shower, so do it how you want it. I only wish I lived closer to come! Love you girl! ♥♥
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ReplyDeleteI think some people are forgetting two important factors that make adoption different from weddings and grad school.
ReplyDelete1. We who are adopting may have a baby join our families with ONE DAY'S NOTICE! We don't have nine months to plan and spread out the costs of everything that baby needs to be safe, happy, and comfortable.
2. We just forked over 20,000 plus dollars to the people who help us bring our baby home. This leaves little left for cute outfits and crib sheets.
For these reasons and many more I think having a pre-match baby shower can be a very wise decision. As our social worker said, "It's not "if" you'll have a baby. It's "when." So, why not be prepared?