Last night I went to dinner with some acquaintances. I say acquaintances because this is a monthly dinner and I typically don't hang out with most of these ladies outside of the once-a-month girls night. But, the organizer has been TTC for a year and a half, and one of her friends has been trying for almost three years, and then there's me. Lately during these dinners there's been at least 20 minutes of so of conversation regarding infertility and adoption. Because I had news and I'm horrible at keeping shit to myself sometimes (although very proud of myself for not calling my mother immediately after we got the call) I told them about the call. Now, I had told my supervisor earlier in the day about the call to keep him up to date and enforce the fact that I literally could be gone within days of getting the next call. And that had gone well with minimal information. But supervisors can't ask detailed questions and they don't care to either. Other women who don't know anything about adoption (and may be considering it) ask questions. I hate to admit it but I slipped a little and I should've changed the subject or cut them off at the pass. *sigh*
I'm now practicing this line for future use:
"I'm sorry, I know you're curious, but the details are a private matter only to be revealed to our child."......over and over and over....
S went to his parent's house for dinner last night and brought them the book Adoption is a Family Affair. I read it earlier this week and it's a decent book for just getting people on the same page. The whole purpose of the dinner was for him to sit down with his parents and tell them what this experience has been like for him/us. We haven't really had that on his side of the family because they're not ones to talk about their feelings. I'm glad he decided to do it (not my suggestion!) and it sounds like he tried really hard to get across to them that the whole journey has been difficult for us. Especially watching his sister easily have another kid. Like we needed to hear how annoyed she was that she was pregnant before we took a family vacation to Maz.atlan! (I drank a lot on that trip)
Good thing the mountains didn't get snow at all this week. Well, it's bad and I'm frustrated, but we need to stay home and address some of our lack of planning. I sense a trip to B.R.U. looming. Anyone know of other stores that are good around Denver, especially for furniture? S's mom offered to buy our crib so maybe I should start looking even though we'll start out with a bassinet in our room. I'm definitely more of the "get everything in order and feel prepared" type. After this week, I can convince S that we need to get moving!
I hope the agency found a match for the expectant mother. Before anyone gets all up in arms at me for not saying "or that she decides to parent", this does not appear to be one of those cases. I believe that adoption should only happen in the case that an expectant mother truly can't or feels she can't take care of the child. Ack, I'm getting all defensive and I haven't even been attacked yet.
Your protective instincts for the others involved in your future adoption are well-developed!
ReplyDeleteI think it's a lot of fun to do the shopping and planning for the nursery! I have gotten a lot of great tips from ohdeedoh.com. If you can stand to shop there, keep walmart in mind - they have surprisingly decent cribs made from sustainably-harvested hardwood, and you can buy online and have it shipped-to-store for free, keeping the time you spend at the actual store to a minimum. Maybe for what S's mom was prepared to spend on the crib, you could get a crib and dresser and even a chair (you're gonna need a chair, rocking or gliding). For lists of essentials, I think parents magazine's web site has a great one. I also have one I printed out and would be happy to e-mail you.
ReplyDeleteHugs!
ReplyDeleteBtw, since you asked, I think Sears or JCPenney is a great place for furniture (and they deliver and it's affordable, and we've had zero problems with it). I found BRU to be horribly overpriced (although good quality!) - although we did get a glider there - which was our most expensive item. (which you can buy from us for cheap or free or a donation to cici's fund, if you want - it's sitting in our garage right now and I would love to have it gone). Good luck!
I'm sure that was a hard decision to make but it sounds like it also inspired a lot of thought. This process is so hard and crazy isn't it?! You have a great outlook though. I'm sure that there was a perfect match for that baby.
ReplyDeleteGood luck! I hope your miracle happens soon.
ReplyDeletehere from ICLW, and i hear you on the sharing info front. i can't quite decide what to tell curious friends about the sperm donors we look at -- i'm very chatty and like to tell everything, but should i wait and leave it up to the (entirely theoretical) child to share or not? and this is without even an actual baby in the picture. which makes caution seem slightly loony, you know?
ReplyDelete