I'm 95% sure that I'm not pregnant. Yet, in the back of my mind that 5% is a source of wondering. It's constant. A niggling annoyance in the back of my head as I go about the day. I keep counting the days. I keep trying to figure out why I have these symptoms. A crappy diet over the holidays that messed up the delicate balance of hormones? That could easily be the culprit. In fact, it probably is since I went on a "I'm eating to feel good" binge. Read: sugar!!!!! So the acid reflux is back, digestion has been....um off, and certain parts of me hurt like a mofo. None of it is normal.
In about a week, I'll know that I'm having trouble recovering from a crappy diet and life will go on for another month.
Before infertility, I would be excitedly waiting to POAS. I would be dreaming of having a bouncing baby. I would be worried about how my body would react to pregnancy. Now? Occasionally, I get early pregnancy symptoms, when clearly, I can't get pregnant! I can't wait for the cycle to be over. I breathe a sigh of relief when it starts again.
That was me 9 days ago....just wondering...even though I knew I wasn't pregnant. It's so sad that infertility has us going in these circles!! (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteEven knowing how my body reacts to early pregnancy, I still get tricked several times a year. The symptoms are maddening.
ReplyDeleteOh, this takes me back to the old days when I thought, "Yes, this COULD HAPPEN to me", but that would have meant it would have been through immaculate conception.....
ReplyDeleteI totally get you. I have it happen every couple of months where things are different and late, and I know that it is very, very unlikely yet I still keep thinking about it. Usually when I put it in writing and/or cry about it, it seems to make it start every time.
ReplyDeleteI promised my mom I wouldn't get fixed until I am 40. But I want to yank out all of the plumbing now. I can't stand the whole "maybe, maybe not...what if?" every single month. So now, I'm on a countdown. 18 more periods to go...
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