He is a picky eater around us, his parents, but not at daycare. At daycare he eats stew and vegetables and meat. Around us he eats Mac n cheese, pasta, fruit, crackers, yogurt, and sunflower seed butter and jelly sandwiches. He refuses all vegetables, and meat in general. Only occasionally will he try some chicken or smoked salmon. I've tried putting him to bed hungry if he doesn't eat what's put in front of him. I've also tried refusing to give him something he wants until he finishes what's on his plate. (Generally leads to him going to bed hungry)
Anyone out there who has experienced the same? I'm frustrated because I've turned into the mom who will only make what he will eat, and that's not what I wanted to be.
I'm pretty sure my kid does this too, though there are days that the teachers tell me she didn't eat anything, so it's not like she'll eat EVERYTHING they offer, but it seems she'll eat more there than at home. I honestly don't know what the answer is. The idea of my kid waking up because she's hungry, and messing with my precious (and restricted sleep) is more than I can bear at this point. I guess I've just decided to pick my battles. Sorry I can't be of more help.
ReplyDeleteYeah, when I've asked if he's all-done with his meal and a full plate is still there, then I tell him he can't eat anything else...it's a guaranteed 5:30am wake up call because he's hungry.
DeleteNo advice, but E is the same way. (And the same age, so maybe it's a two thing?) He's pretty much a vegetarian, but will now eat organic chicken nuggets. Sigh... Personally I hate veggies so I'm not terribly upset that he hates them too. I did buy a toddler eating book that recommended setting specific times of the day for snacks (E was panhandling too much because he'd refuse to eat new things at mealtimes). This seemed to help. It also recommended giving him one thing we'd know he'd eat and then introducing a couple of new things. That way he'd not go hungry and hopefully try new things. This also helped. It takes something like 20 tries for toddlers with new foods and the first 15 don't even go in the mouth.and the next five might not be swallowed. Weird though that he eats fine for other people. Maybe it's a control thing?
ReplyDeleteJust makes me feel better that I'm not the only one struggling with this!
DeleteI don't have much parenting experience in this area just yet (I fully expect to encounter it in the 2's), but I was a horribly picky eater as a child so I'll throw in my 2 cents anyway. ;)
ReplyDeleteThe more my mom pushed me to eat something, the more I pushed back. When she stopped showing her frustration and made it seem like it wasn't a big deal, I was more open to trying something. Substitutes were not an option for us when we were younger. Food was offered and we either took it or left it. Once my mom stopped letting my refusal of some meals get to her I think we both learned to just relax and not make it a battle.
Maybe try preparing the veggies or meat differently to get him back on track. Some days Firecracker will gobble all her broccoli and others just push it around or throw it on the floor. If I give her a little hummus to dip it in, she is all back on board for eating it.
I also sneak in veggies everywhere (zucchini-carrot muffins, broccoli mixed in mac & cheese, chicken & veggies in a quesadilla, sauteed tomatoes, zucchini, and garlic mixed in pasta).
Sorry it is all so frustrating. Keep telling yourself that it is just a phase and it too shall pass.
No advice here, sorry. Mine is a good eater but seems to be just luck of the draw. I have a good friend who reports the same as you - great eater at daycare, not so much at home and my friend is much better about preparing a fresh variety of foods to present to her child than I am. Go figure. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI've heard this problem is common, where a kid is pickier with parents than elsewhere - it's a control thing usually. Our problem is extreme picky eating everywhere and we feed our kid mac & cheese at practically every meal, which is not how I imagined it either. In our situation, our various specialists (yikes) have said to not make a big deal out of it, to offer a limited amount of something they'll probably eat along with things they won't at every meal, don't sweat it if they go to bed hungry, don't ever force feed, and bribing is OK (if you eat a bite of this thing you don't want, you can have three crackers. or if you eat two bites of this thing you don't want, you can watch an elmo video on youtube). I can't say it's been working that great, though we have small successes.
ReplyDeleteI like that bribing is ok! I've been really reluctant to do it, even with healthy foods he likes like yogurt and fruits, but hey, if the specialists say it's fine....
DeleteHe's at the age where the only thing he can control is what he eats and when & where he poops. He's learning how to be independent.
ReplyDeleteWe used to sneak some cauliflower, carrots and sweet potato (boil them then puree them) into the mac n cheese for some of our kids. You also might get by with some mushrooms too.
We do the "no thank you bite" method. We both grew up with the finish everything on your plate which I believe causes more problems with obesity later on.
We also have sent kids to ben "not hungry" because if you don't eat, you're obviously not hungry. We also put the same plate in front of the kid over and over until they eat it. One kid would run off to play, come back, take a few bites, run and play, come back... The deal was, when the adults were finished, there would be no more food on the table.
Since he's eating well at school but not at home, my guess is the power/independence thing is happening. If he's hitting his milestones and he's eating something, I wouldn't worry too much about it.
Now that I read this comment, I'm realizing that we are engaging in power struggles daily. There's at least one meltdown per day, and often two or three. He's hitting the terrible twos right on target.
DeleteStella is like this as well lately (eats better at daycare than home) -- honestly, most nights if she won't eat what we're eating, we just go along with the "all done" and she drinks some milk and goes to bed. I refuse to fight about it, and I don't agree with forcing to finish the plate b/c I think that leads to obesity issues from eating past the point we are full. So ya, no advice, but you're not alone!
ReplyDeleteJust makes me feel better that he's not the only one. My parents were always commenting about how my cousins were picky and their parents "let them" be picky instead of forcing them to eat what they cooked. I think I have some of that thought that I'm doing something wrong by giving in to what I know will work.
DeleteKatja goes through phases of not wanting to eat. We've decided not to fight it. We did baby led weaning and she eats pretty much everything we do, but some days she just doesn't want what's being offered. If she doesn't want dinner, we let her be done and figure that she'll eat when she's hungry. She's a healthy, happy kid, so it's not like she's going to starve. I just refuse to only make things I know she'll eat, as does my husband, since we both really enjoy food, so we decided that we'll let it be and not worry much (though I still worry sometimes!). I think it's just the age.
ReplyDeleteOh, and she won't eat sandwiches or peanut butter. Ever. It's very weird.
Good luck! I know it's frustrating!
I think not only is it a power thing, but my kid knows he has other options here. At daycare, they get a cart at their door at meal/snack time. What's on that cart is what's to eat. There aren't things in the cupboards (except cheerios), and there isn't a fridge to go to for other foods. Also, there are 9 other kids being fed, the teachers aren't going to stop what they're doing to make sure one child is happy with their choices.
ReplyDeleteMy mom had a magnet on our fridge growing up that said "Meal Options: Take it or Leave it." For a long time, we would just put a bunch of different things in front of our 2 year old to see what he wanted. Now, I often say "Do you want mac and cheese or a hot dog?" And then he at least gets to have a little 'power' in the situation. Veggies are non-negotiable (though if I have options, I'll ask peas or broccoli), and fruit can be a bribing tool.
I think it's just a struggle that's probably as old as parenthood, and finding the right groove for your kid and your family is hard, but I think we all will!!
You might try letting him help make the meal. It made a big difference with S. let him wash veggies, 'chop', or season. Stirring and mixing with hands is fun too. S loves to cook with us and eats it all.
ReplyDelete