The lack of diagnosis for me is almost crippling. I do not have the personality to be able to deal with it effectively and it was the driving force for going back. The other thing my therapist brought up, was whether I just want a baby and any way said baby comes along is fine with me, or do I really just want to march down the adoption road. As it turns out, the unresolved infertility crap was doing a number on me, and the fact that at the time we started talking about it, our adoption wait was looking like 3+ years and I was pissed. So, after discussion with S, we decided, hey, if it happens, it happens and started timing cycles again. I insisted on the testing to get an idea of where we are, and to hopefully get an answer. The answer is...there is no answer. The chance that an IVF cycle would be diagnostic is not enough to put us through that emotionally or financially.
Adoption it is. The possibilty of making a permanent change so that I forget about cycles forever is dancing around in my mind. But, I won't address that until after the adoption is successful.
I'm with you on the lack of diagnosis. I sit on the edge of Premature Ovarian Failure, but not quite close enough for an actual diagnosis, and my numbers keep jumping all over the place. I wish someone could just say no, you can't do this, you're done. I hate having to look at walking away still wondering "what if."
ReplyDeleteOne of the things I hated most about infertility was never quite knowing. There wasn't anything necessarily wrong with me except that it never worked; I'd have follicles, but they'd never become eggs; I'd end up with random cysts; my hormones would say I was ovulating but nothing was actually happening. We knew there were problems on my husband's side, too, so we just had to stop. It was several years of hoping every month and never having anything work. Despite IUIs, we never even got pregnant.
ReplyDeleteI hope it goes well. I think about you a lot.
Living with unexplained infertility must be so hard. I'm sorry there are no answers. But I'm glad you found a plan you're both comfortable (if not entirely happy) with. I hope your second adoption happens without too much more heartache.
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