The Internal Conflict - Part 2 - Foster Adopt vs. Newborn Adopt

Now that we've been through the process once and we're expanding our social circle to include transracially adoptive families through meetup groups, through the agency and my blog, it's helped demystify the foster-adopt process a bit.

S and I have had a couple of discussions about the flexible family program through our agency and whether we feel like we could handle the extra meetings, calls, and training that comes from foster-adopt.  There's no additional training requirement for us at the moment because we renewed our homestudy in a timely manner, but I understand that working through the public system, there is more training to do each year that you are waiting or have placement but haven't adopted yet.  Whether that is county to county, I'm not sure, but it's definitely probable.  The other issue is working through whatever trauma has already taken place and whether we have the resources as two full-time working adults with one child already to devote to the next child's needs.  That's really the big issue.  I travel approximately a quarter to a half of the time, but S doesn't.  We have family close by who can help out, and one of us could probably work part time.  So, why do we balk at jumping into that pool as well?

Fear of the unknown.  We're the types who need to gather all the facts first, figure out a plan, work through the whole situation in our heads, and then we're comfortable.  This whole infertility-turned adoption journey threw a wrench into carefully laid plans as it does for most people.  Our personalities hold us back from diving into anything without analyzing it to death (me), or refusing to feel guilty about the path chosen (S).  Because that's what it comes down to for me.  I feel guilty that there are so many children in foster care waiting for forever homes and because I'm scared of whatever trauma they've been through, I'd rather sit and wait for years for a newborn match.  There's so many big emotional issues connected with adoption, that adding abuse or neglect on top of that is daunting.  S on the other hand, doesn't profess to feel guilty that he's more comfortable with a newborn, although he has thought about foster-adopt and isn't opposed to looking into it.

I think that what it comes down to for us is that we need to draw hard boundaries if we go down that road, as opposed to the soft and fluid boundaries we've drawn when it comes to a newborn placement.
This is where we are now, tiptoeing around the possibility of foster-adopt.