As I've mentioned before, some of my closer friends are beginning their journey to start families. One is successfully pregnant, others have not been having the easiest time of it. They seem to hear their biological clocks ticking LOUDLY, they look at me and worry that they will turn out the same. (i.e. infertile).
I'm there for support, and advice, yet I'm left out of the conversation. Instead, they share their trials and tribulations with each other, and ask each other questions, and I feel oddly out. I tend to butt in, because I've lived it! I know what the first fertility work-up appointment is like! I can tell you all about temping and POAS and acupunture and IUIs! It's probably annoying.
Not to mention, what happens when they all end up pregnant? Because, it's likely that they don't have major issues and that they will be able to get pregnant (statistically speaking since no one has hit the magical 1-year TTC mark yet). I told S today that I don't think I can hang while they are pregnant. What the hell am I going to do? Have dinner, down a couple glasses of wine and nod my head while they talk about various pregnancy doo-dads and whats-its. I don't know shit about being pregnant. And I don't care how many mutual interests we have, I can guarantee that if they all end up pregnant at the same time, they will talk about nothing else. It's just how it is, right?
I've had similar issues with some of my friends. I almost feel as if I am the "doomsday" story in their lives..."well, hopefully I don't turn out like Rain". One of my friends got pregnant a month after starting to "try", and I have a few others who have been trying around 6 months. They will all end up pregnant, I know it.
ReplyDeleteI've decided that I'm going to focus on the baby part of the equation. Heck, I (and you) know SOOOO much more about babies than they do. Right? So, I am going to be the very helpful mommy, or so I hope.
Good luck, I know it's hard.
Interesting perspective. I was a pregnant infertile and I hardly ever talked about it (or blogged about it) with anyone. Fertiles or not. For me, I didn't feel like I fit in with the naive fertiles who did talk non stop about being pregnant. And I obviously didn't want to talk abut it with the few infertile friends I did have. It was a weird place to be. I guess if your friends end up getting pregnant on their own, but it just takes awhile, they may not consider themselves infertile and may act more like an annoying fertile, but if they do end up struggling they may "get it" and be more sensitive to you.
ReplyDeleteHang in there, it is tough.
A few years ago I was at the end of the table with all the women who had children and the co-worker who just quit after giving birth. All they talked about was the labor room. I'm sure it was scary and painful and all that, but I found myself playing tetris until they moved on to discuss something other than epidurals and doctors.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Rain. I've had 10 kids and 90+ hours of training on how to raise children. Although they probably won't want the advice, if they want to talk kids, that's the only part I care to listen to.
I have noticed that when some of my friends have become pregnant it is all they think about. They forget that you can't get pregnant. Then they rudely ask you if you have ever had the experiences that they are going through. Now I just tell them, "Sorry, can't help you with that one.". If they persist in being so stupid to ask again I do get blunt.
ReplyDeleteI can sympathize. Also, I tend to expect that things will go wrong once they get pregnant, which people don't really appreciate :)
ReplyDeleteHi from ICLW. Ugh, that is how it is. I'm actually glad I left the job I loved before we got into the serious stuff; those girls were pregnant two and three at a time, year round.
ReplyDeleteHi from ICLW. Its been a week since you last posted, so how is everything?
ReplyDeleteHi from ICLW. I can relate to this post. With the exception of one friend, everyone has had an easy time getting pregnant, and even that friend who took longer is pregnant without any intervention (she went through fertility testing including a hysterosonogram). I feel left out. Also, when others I know talk about TTC I feel like I want to jump in with a lot of info that people who are struggling care about, but most of them have no clue what POAS means, have never bought an OPK and don't care about statistics. I find that I want to talk about this stuff so I don't feel so alone but at the same time I don't want to freak them out and make it sound like everyone has a hard time conceiving because in actuality, most don't.
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