Look at me, suddenly the posting queen!
So, I had previously posted about a long-time friend (10 plus yrs) of mine who took major personal offense to my F-B post about how I don't like people telling me that I'll get pregnant after adopting. She skipped S's birthday party in August, but the following week we saw her and even though it was awkward, I thought we had agreed to drop it.
Fast forward to the first of November and I thought I should ask if she wanted to go to lunch. Her reply to my invite was something along the lines of "we need to take a break". Huh?
Now we are both going to the same party on Saturday. I have no idea how to handle this gracefully. She has very obviously hid me on F-B. I'm furious that she made something so personal to me all about her. (She can't handle "negative energy" around her) seriously, that's what she told me after reading that post.
So, what would you do?
So, I had previously posted about a long-time friend (10 plus yrs) of mine who took major personal offense to my F-B post about how I don't like people telling me that I'll get pregnant after adopting. She skipped S's birthday party in August, but the following week we saw her and even though it was awkward, I thought we had agreed to drop it.
Fast forward to the first of November and I thought I should ask if she wanted to go to lunch. Her reply to my invite was something along the lines of "we need to take a break". Huh?
Now we are both going to the same party on Saturday. I have no idea how to handle this gracefully. She has very obviously hid me on F-B. I'm furious that she made something so personal to me all about her. (She can't handle "negative energy" around her) seriously, that's what she told me after reading that post.
So, what would you do?
I'd be cordial to her, but that's about it. You can't control how other people act or react. I'd say she's hypersensitive or has something else going on in her life, as that doesn't seem like an appropriate reaction to you being upset by the pregnancy/adoption comment in general.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with her!
Life is too short for this kind of drama. Leave it behind you, be nice, but just move on, and don't make a big deal of it either way. She'll either get it eventually or not, and she'll probably never understand why YOU'RE upset. Sometimes people fade from friends to acquaintances. It happens. :(
ReplyDeleteI know I don't comment often, but I have lurked for a while. I am also a female engineer dealing with infertility. Anyway, on to what I wanted to write about. I have had a difficult relationship with my brother since dealing with infertility even though we were once very close. One thing that my therapist said to me that resonated with me, that I have tried to practice is to keep your side of the street clean. So, I am polite to him, apologize profusely for wrongs he thinks I have committed even though inside I am screaming at the top of my lungs for him to stop being such an ass. It is so so hard - but - if he is ever ready to grow up and realize that infertility changes people, I won't have burned a bridge.
ReplyDeleteThe point is, just be polite, but don't expect much in return. Don't do anything you would regret - and I am not talking about speaking your mind regarding your personal preferences regarding comments about pregnancy occurring after adoption, we have to stand up for our feelings too. I am talking about something like telling her off or completely giving her the cold shoulder. Just be polite - no more, no less. I know it is hard but I have learned that sometimes it is asking too much of some people to put themselves in your shoes. For me, since it is my brother, I still try to keep my side of the street clean, but honestly, if he were just a friend, I probably wouldn't even put in the effort to see him, and if I ran into him, it would be just politeness, no more, no less.
You have plenty of other areas that you need to focus on right now and this is not something that you need to dwell on. Focus on baby X - that is what is important. If you let a petty person take you away from focusing on him, you will regret it later.
Sorry for the long-winded-ness. It is a crappy situation, but I hope that you figure out the right path for you. Congratulations on the arrival of baby X too!!
Suzanne
I had a similar situation with someone who couldn't take any kind of negative talk about my fears during pregnancy and dumped me as a friend. She had no problem complaining to me about her husband, however, in an extremely negative way.
ReplyDeleteI agree life is too short for these fair-weathered friends. Be courteous, but nothing more should be required.
Agree with both Heather & ferfischer. Life is too short. Let it go. Be cordial. Something else is probably at the root of what she is going through at the moment.
ReplyDelete