I liked the title because it describes our mental state, but I feel like I have to clarify for all my readers. Wouldn't want to become a big tease. ;-)
Anyway, I've been following a blog where their adoption experience is turning out much different from ours. From what I can tell, they live somewhere where, in general waits aren't as long as here, and they were matched one month into their wait. One Month. I can't even fathom that short of a wait. So, I'm following along as they are scrambling to get things in order for a baby due in the next couple of weeks. Obviously in this situation it's almost impossible to be ready, but it got me thinking. How ready will we be once we're matched? Sure, we're in a position where we have all the gear and the crib and we'll be able to put a nursery together (working on that now actually), but emotionally? I think we're about as ready as this other couple who's getting hurled into parentdom. It's probably the anticipation that's killing us and once we are matched and we physically have a baby we'll probably feel like we're totally ready. But right now, we don't. S actually looked scared when I told him that we had been profiled but not chosen.
I finally looked into leave for adoption. It's not as rosy a picture as I thought. Silly me, I thought that if I pushed out a kid I'd be able to use up to 6 weeks sick leave so I should be able to do the same for my time home after the baby is born. Hahahahahaha. Where do I think I live? A family-friendly country? Anyhoo, instead of having most of my 12 weeks paid for I have whatever vacation time is accrued then I go unpaid for the rest. There does appear to be a loophole of sorts, but that will involve the agency writing some letter requiring that I stay home to care for the child. Still think it's kind of bullshit. Especially since I had put too many eggs in that basket. Whoops.
how long have you been waiting?
ReplyDeletewe are starting with the adoption process and the agency told us that, after all the paperwork is completed, the average waiting time is 12 months.
The FMLA Act allows you to take up to 12 weeks of partially paid time off when you adopt a child. It's not your full pay but it's something like 2/3rds.... You should ask your agency/attorney about this to verify but that is what I have been told by ours as well as on the CA.GOV website... May vary from state to state also :) J
ReplyDeleteAs we are about to start the wait, I have tiny moments of panic about how our lives are going to change. It has just been us for so long! About staying home, if we both used all of our vacation/sick time, we could do 12 weeks. But, someone shared the good advice of not using up all of my time. I will need it for myself or a sick baby. I think we will aim for a total of about 8 weeks. Unfortunately, I don't think we will be able to do unpaid leave.
ReplyDeleteYou are totally right about the leave thing. Unfortunately, I could only take 4 weeks. I hated it. But, after my 4 weeks, my husband was able to take 4 weeks off too. I even work for an early childhood organization - I was like, COME ON - IT'S THE MISSION! Oh well...we all survived! I can't wait to hear updates on matches in the new year!
ReplyDeleteYeah for being profiled! I haven't checked in in ages and thought I should head right for your blog to see how things are moving. I'm so excited you are in the place where you are starting to be profiled. Hooray!
ReplyDeleteYeah, the leave stuff blows doesn't it? What's your loophole? That's at least a little something. For us it means we have to save more $, on top of the adoption fees, to be able to stay home for a bit with the kiddo. Think it's bogus that most companies don't acknowledge a mother's right to stay home and care for her adopted child the same as they'd need to do for the home-grown variety.
ReplyDelete@Marica - We've been waiting almost 18 months since being approved for adoption. Our agency told us it would be 12-18 months wait when we first went into the pool but then the placements slowed down and everyone has been waiting longer than anticipated. There have been a couple of extreme situations we were asked about but we didn't feel comfortable so we were not profiled to those mothers.
ReplyDelete