Sort of. Over the weekend, one of S's co-workers invited a client to the company condo for skiing. Since S is working on the same project, we stopped by Friday night (btw, mountains totally didn't get snow but getting out of Denver was sucky) for dinner. One couple has 2 kids, another couple has an infant. Yee-haw. I got myself mentally prepared and was ready to dive into the adoption conversation. Thankfully it went well and they were curious and of course knew someone who had adopted from (fill in the blank)... I felt really good about the conversation but it took a lot of energy. It was the first time we had spoken openly about it to people S works with. He's told some people but is hoping to keep the news from some others for as long as possible, because once they find out he'll get the barrage of stupid comments and questions. In fact, I'd put lots of money and double down on that bet. Anyhoo...
On Saturday, we had a conversation with a guy who showed up for the day. After the conversation the previous night I was pretty pooped and didn't feel like talking adoption again. When this guy asked if we had kids yet, I let S give the standard, "No, not yet" answer and prayed that the conversation ended there. Mr. Nosy continued "So, any talk of kids, do you want kids?" I practically jumped out of my chair yelling Who the fuck do you think you are?. Yeah, not really, but I snapped a little and said we were adopting and then had to go through the standard question/answer session. And I sooo did not feel up to it.
Two totally different encounters over the course of two days. What's interesting is that I was ready to talk on Friday so there wasn't the chance to dodge once someone asked us if we were going to have kids. But when I don't feel like educating (and face it, that's what you have to do every time you tell someone new) I really want them to drop the subject if we say "no kids yet."
I know where you are coming from. It’s the reason we haven’t shared this with too many people yet. I know the kinds of questions we are going to be in for and I just don’t want to deal with it. I often wonder why people can’t just react the adoption news like they would if you announced you were pregnant. Curiosity I suppose.
ReplyDeleteDH hasn’t shared the news with his family yet (long story), but he’s been dipping his toes in at work. (He’s a pilot and works with different people each time, so it’s sort of like telling a stranger you’ll never see again.) Just yesterday someone asked him how much it would cost. UGH!
Heather, too funny! I was actually going to put in a comment about how people never tell you congratulations and instead go straight to questions. Yeah, I think the only person who has told me congratulations was a friend who has BTDT. Even our parents just kind said, "huh, that's cool" and my mom keeps telling me that some people have waited 3 years for a baby in that tone of voice that suggests I should shut up about the long wait. *roll*
ReplyDeleteI do the same type if thing with big news. It's like you've expended all of your energy on the first (or first few) explanation, and anything after that is just an obnoxious, tedious exercise in futility*. I often wonder how I would react to someone i knew telling me IRL (not that I haven't met you IRL. :0) ), and I can't imagine being anything other than thrilled for them. The hypothetical couple is getting a family, and that what really matters. I'm not really a questioner, so I guess that just isn't my first reaction. I love reading your blog and learning about the trials & tribulations* that go with adoption. (*Oh, I'm full of overused, trite expressions tonight) And dammit, you have every right to complain about the timeframe! When you want what you want, you want it yesterday!! :0)
ReplyDeleteSo true that people don't typically congratulate when you tell about adoption. But the mention of pregnancy and people lose it. I kind of feel people we don't really know out before I tell that we're adopting. I sometimes don't feel like playing the 'Let's Educate About Adoption' game either.
ReplyDeleteI usually don't say 'Not yet' when people ask if we have kids. I just say No and hope that the line of questioning ends there.
But, at times I do feel that it is easier to talk about adoption with acquaintances compared to family and friends...I tend to be more open once I do start talking. It's weird.