Mostly because I have to deal with the inevitable "You know what's going to happen after you adopt, right?" or "I knew someone who adopted then got pregnant." I'm steeled against these comments emotionally because I know they're coming almost every time I tell someone we're adopting. I've become really good at laughing it off then reciting the 5% statistic. We don't hear about the other 95% who never conceive after adoption.
....but then again, there's no reason why I'm infertile...
Man, days like today I really wish I had a reason. It doesn't help that one of my friends who was on the road to adoption...yep, you guessed it got pregnant during the wait even though she has so many issues her doctor gave her a 2% chance of ever conceiving naturally and something dismal like 10-20% chance on an IVF cycle. So, I know one of "those" stories intimately and it sucks.
*hug*
ReplyDeletei hate it too :-( i am SO SORRY you have to deal with these insane and insensitive comments. at least there is a big, wonderful community of adoptive families who know right where you are at. it's not quite the same, but i have found so much support among other parents of special needs kids that it's like a tribe unto itself, one i'm very proud to belong to, where i have met some of the wisest, funniest, most resilient, down-to-earth people i've ever met. i wish you lots of the same!!! it makes the dumbasses subside in the distance. usually. :-) xxx
ReplyDeleteI think that people default to something they've heard, just to say SOMETHING.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't make it any easier to hear, though. I got that all. the. time.
I'm sick of unexplained IF too. It's like a mechanic that can't explain why your car won't go down the highway. Full of gasoline, tires are inflated, engine is running, horn works but it just won't do what a car is meant to do and they don't know why. And maybe one day, the car will just roll downhill on it's own. You never know.
ReplyDeleteWe're starting the foster process and we're now getting the comments about what'll happen next. I tell them, "if we get pregnant on our own, that's great. But after 4 years, I'm not banking on it so I'd like to just focus on the 100% chance of having a baby through adoption and need your support for that process, thanks." At since we started the adoption process we've stopped getting advice on how to get pregnant. Once they throw out the supposedly "magic fertility cure" adoption comment, they don't really have more to offer.
BTW, the dresser/table looks great!
Yep, I heard that a lot, too. I don't really look my age, so people assume my eggs are still hardy. My hubby was worried that I would get pregnant - and then we'd have to worry about Down's Syndrome, other high risk complications or miscarrying. Sad, eh?
ReplyDeletePeople say that just as a weird way of comforting you. And themselves, I suspect.
Yep, we're one of the unexplained IF couples. It's beyond frustrating, but that goes without saying. As someone else mentioned, I think the "you'll get pregnant as soon as you adopt" type comment is because of feeling the need to say something. Little do they know that it minimizes what we are doing...building our family through adoption. Sorry you had to witness one of the urban myths in real life. That's not easy. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteI get that all the time too, but then I tell them I'm on birth control, so it won't happen. People always wonder why I'm on BC when I couldn't get pregnant, and for me, I need the hormones.
ReplyDeleteI have PCOS and did seven rounds of Clomid and other drugs, but never got pregnant. There are five women around me who used the same drug and did get pregnant, two who had twins. Just didn't work for me.