1. While visiting another family member who is out of state, stating, "We miss you guys soooo much. We really wish we were there with you." Um. We are fine, how about you concentrate on the kid you hardly see?
2. Your cousin this that and the other thing...I don't need a rundown on every little thing the cousin who happened to push out a kid this past year is doing. So, what are my other 6 cousins up to?
3. I just love your Jazzerc.ise classes. I'm so upset I can't be there! (Because of said visiting the other family member). I was an instructor for TEN years before she decided to take my class. Oh right, I started distancing myself.
4. A voicemail, a second phone call and a text all in the same day (Mothers Day) doing what else? Wishing me happy Mother's Day. Followed by #1.
5. So, are you seeing the in-laws today/yesterday/didtheybabysit? This happens a lot. I really think it's a fishing expedition. Do you?
I'm obviously still struggling with the family stuff. Not as bad as I had been, and these things don't send me into a shame spiral like they used to. There's still doubt though, you know? When I first figured it out, I was feeling like ok, it's pretty cut and dry and I can figure this limited and appropriate thing out. Now I'm feeling guilty? Now I'm wondering if it's all in my head? This is what narcissists are good at, right?
Here's my two cents. In and of themselves, the above items don't sound bad, but it's the big picture, you know? Your parents don't sound like they are able to acknowledge your feelings or your perspective at all, so consequently nothing is going to change about the situation unless YOU change it--mostly by being hyper vigilant about boundaries. In my case, every single thing my inlaws do bugs me. All of it. And I've come to realize it is because they will never see themselves as any part of the problem or a solution. They simply won't ever change and therefore I never get any closure to my own hurt feelings. For me, it's easier because they aren't my parents and I would be happy to write them out of my life entirely. It does cause a fair bit of marital strife though with DH in the middle only willing to push things so far.
ReplyDeleteI guess you either have to accept things the way they are now, or impose more boundaries and follow through with them. Good luck though. I know it's not easy.
I would call those all normal interactions with family... but like Heather said, it's probably the combination of all that gets to you. Best of lucky figuring out how to feel okay with your family dynamics.
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