My mom has pictures of my biological father that she has kept all these years and never shared with me and my brother. Because we never asked questions and it was never a good time.
She told my brother about said pictures as he was leaving to go home last week. Apparently that was the best time in the 4 days he was there in their house to tell them. She didn't give them to him.
She stopped by my house tonight and did not bring said pictures with her. Or the contact information for my bio-dad's brother (my uncle I suppose...). She wasn't sure if I would want them.
p.s. She verified that yes, my dad is ignoring me. Why? Because he feels like I don't talk to him. Oh, you mean like that time I walked in the house, said "Hi Dad" and he didn't answer? Jes.us, who is the parent here?
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She's holding you emotionally hostage. I guess it's up to you to stop allowing yourself yo be victimized, because I really don't think she's going to change. I am not saying this to be harsh, I just really think all you can do at this point is set your own boundaries in the relationship and keep them. She seems to have no interest in having a healthy relationship with her children, so it's up to you to protect yourself. It's toxic and can seep into you if you let it. I say this as someone who is forced to deal with my own toxic mother-in-law. It sucks, but it's very freeing to take control back of the situation and not let it eat at you.
ReplyDeleteHugs.
Oh, yeah I know, and I also know that because I am setting boundaries, she's coming back at me with all guns blazing. She stood in my living room last night tearful and insisting that we could have asked questions and she would have answered them. Bullsh*t. She also conveniently forgot how she would never say his name and I would get in trouble if I so much as brought him up even in an obtuse way.
DeleteYour mom is a piece of work. I'm so sorry that she is emotionally manipulating you like this. Or that she's even trying to manipulate you like this. I have a very complicated relationship with my mother and in her younger years she was the Queen of Emotional Manipulation. It sucked the life out of me at times and I believe has completely ruined my ability to have meaningful relationships with other females. I had to let it go and not let her pull me in anymore. It was easy because she's disappeared so many times that I don't have her constantly tormenting me. She's also changed as she's gotten older so that she doesn't treat me like that any more. I'm sorry that your own mother does this to you. Distance is great but not always an option. Stay strong and try not to let her feed off you.
ReplyDeleteThe good thing is that in the conversation we had last night, I didn't get particularly emotional. I'm upset and angry, but I didn't break down. At least all the work I've done the past year or so seems to be holding up. This isn't my fault, it's all her. I said my piece and told her that will not have a good relationship until she works on her sh*t.
DeleteI just found your blog via Microblog Mondays and this piece just broke my heart for you. I'm sad to have found your blog in such a sad moment. Hope for happier times for you!
ReplyDeleteHere from Microblog Mondays. And this situation sucks. I'm so sorry your mom is doing this to you. I'm currently estranged from my family, mainly due to dysfunction that was costing me my sanity (and they thought nothing about it). I'm glad to hear you're putting up firm boundaries. Hold fast to them. And know that it's okay to say "Mom, we need a break."
ReplyDeleteLots of hugs to you ...
ReplyDeleteby the way.. it would be very convenient if you have the follow by email option..
ReplyDeleteI mean in that way it would be easy for me ..
Or if you already have it then sorry I couldn't find it ...
Thanks for letting me know. :)
DeleteYou have grown so much this year, and I am so dazzled by the woman you have become. Stay strong. You have inspired me to work on my family-dynamics/emotional stuff too. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteThanks lady! :)
DeleteWhat an amazingly frustrating situation. It's your information to have; not her information to withhold.
ReplyDeleteEmotional vampires suck. It's not fair for her to withhold this information from you ... it's manipulative and childish. :( I'm sorry!
ReplyDelete