Anxiety and Waiting

Two and a half weeks ago I talked to our caseworker because she had sent a weird cryptic e-mail.  She was trying to be neutral, but I'm so sensitive to any kind of hint, that I knew something was up.  I tried to wait for S to call her (because he's supposed to be the contact to take the pressure off of me), but alas, my own anxiety took over and I made the phone call.  I just had to know why she was asking what she was asking.

Turns out, someone has our profile right now.  I don't know details because I didn't want them as I don't want to get ahead of myself.  Our usual tactic has been to only get the phone call when we are chosen.  We don't want to know when we are being considered because then this happens:

• I spend every day wondering if caseworker will call with a yes or no answer
• 2.5 weeks go by with no communication and I'm a mess
• S wonders what my problem is.  He figures we'll find out when we find out and why worry about it now?  (hahahahahaha) 

I finally got an update from caseworker earlier this week.  The update was exactly what I thought it would be....she hasn't gotten an update, and she doesn't know anything.  

I've learned my lesson.  Knowing this information has not made me more comfortable, it makes me, well, just as anxious as I was before making that phone call to ask why she was asking the questions. Maybe more.

There's nothing to do but wait.