Visceral

As I sit here shaking with rage and feeling like throwing up, I’m reminded that social media is full of minefields.  One of which I stumbled onto this morning.
See, I have an aunt who is a super-right wing “Chri.stian”, although I don’t consider her views “Chri.stian” in the slightest.  She has spent most of the time that I’ve known her trying to “save” the rest of us (apparently, the Chris.tian Orth.odox religion doesn’t make the cut in her world and we're all heretics).  I won’t friend her on F-B and generally don’t interact with her unless forced to. 

I also have a cousin who is in social work and who does a lot of advocacy for the L.G.B.T community. 

They are friends on a certain social media site and apparently like to engage each other.

I went to my cousin’s page to see what she had posted about the fall of D.O.M.A  (Hooray!) and stumbled upon something that shook me to my core.  My aunt, in response to my cousin’s post about the ruling, posted some drivel by some old white dude about the fact that marriage is defined in the Bi.ble, and it’s between a man and a woman to multiply, blah blah blah blah.  My cousin, then replied, does that mean that yours and Geochick’s marriages are invalid?  My aunt replied that there are countless examples of childless couples in the Bi.ble and some other drivel about the natural order of things and how childless couples fit in because we are here on the Earth to provide support for others and to be friends to kids and blah blah blah, or something. 

I AM NOT CHILDLESS

I have a child.  I am that child’s mother. 

The fact that my cousin even thought to bring me into this stupid discussion, makes me sick.  The fact that the validity of my marriage is being called into question on a public site by my family members makes me sick.  The fact that they are both insinuating that my son is not really my son by their discussion makes me sick. 

I want to respond to both of them, but as S put it, "You can't wade into sh*t and expect to come out smelling like a rose".  So, I sit shaking, sick to my stomach, wondering how I'm going to keep from lashing out at both of them when we see them for a wedding.  Which happens to be soon.

This is more difficult to shake off than it normally would be, because at this moment I am mired in grief.  I’ve been wading through days kind of numb.  I’ve had nightmares.  I have to face a family vacation that now feels like it’s not complete.   No one from my extended family has reached out to me.  They have reached out to my mother.  They have all talked to her.  Not a peep to me.  My family (and it turns out S’s family) is a textbook case in triangulation for all life events that are difficult.  Do you have any idea what it’s like to hear your mom say that she and your mother-in-law cried on the phone together because they feel so bad for you, yet you don’t even get a hug from either one of them?   Or to hear that all your aunts talked to your mom about your situation and how horrible it is?  Nary an e-mail, card, or phone call to me.  The one who is going through hell.