I always find it frustrating when I write what I think is an interesting and important post, even doing research and taking time to flesh it out.....then....crickets.....
Oh well. I'm in a funk today due to a fight I'm having with my mom. It's amazing really, how she immediately assume I did something "bad" and gets herself completely bent out of shape, demanding through texts that I tell her whether or not I did something because she is so upset by the thought that I may have. Given that this "something" that I may or may not have done is something so asinine, so high-school, so sociopathic, that I can't even believe that she thinks I might have done it.
I think I know when not to engage someone on F-B. But, I reserve the right to get annoyed at a family member for hi-jacking a post about my new niece with her own declaration that she guesses she's up to bat next. Last night S made two observations about how things have been going with my parents over the last year (not so great). First, something seems to kind of blow up with them when we want them to babysit. Second, my mother can't let me have an opinion that is different from hers. She thought the comment was funny. S and I thought it was dumb. She can't let me think it's dumb, she has to jump to the other family member's defense like she's her daughter, not me.
It's unbelievable. So, there you have it, my mother constantly is afraid of me being out in the world and acting like a "bad kid". Ironically, I spent my entire childhood trying to be perfect, yet, apparently I never quite succeeded if this shit is still happening.
Have I mentioned that I'm 38? At 38, should I be screamed at by my father because I've been testy with my mother? At 38, should I get incessant texts from my mother demanding that I prove to her that I did not in fact, slander someone on F-B?
I can't even describe the head space I'm in right now. Defeated. Confused. Angry. I don't want to see my parents. Given that two major incidents have occurred in the space of a year, I'm wondering if I should be taking a giant step back.
Sounds like they both need some boundaries. I pretty much cut all but necessary contact with my inlaws over some of the crap they've done in the past several years. It sucks (especially since they moved 10 miles away from us) and the whole situation still pisses me off, but it really is for the best. I'm a firm believer that you teach people how to treat you and I'm not going to tolerate being disrespected just because someone is family. Hugs to you. It's really tough. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteOuch. This post really captured a lot of what I've been feeling with my parents as well. I am so sorry you're going through this! And, I've been feeling many of those same feelings.
ReplyDeleteI hate to say it, but I turn 40 this year, and I spent my therapy session this evening talking partly about something similar with MY mother.
ReplyDeleteWas the "crickets" post the most recent before this? I read it, and even read the article you referred to, horrified ... I guess I always wait until a few other people post when it's a question of adoption because I feel unqualified. That's interesting in itself, though: shouldn't I *also* be advocating on behalf of adoptee rights, and better laws, and a more ethical treatment of adoption cases in general? Yes, I should.
You're right...it was a VERY important post...and it's being talked about a lot elsewhere, so you are not alone in your thoughts. :) That said....what the heck is going on with Mom? You are doing THE best you can in any given moment. And even if it's not perfect, you're awesome. In fact, that you're able to carry on despite imperfection is awesome-er. ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about the situation with your parents. It's so sad that they can't treat you like an adult, with your own thoughts and opinions. I can't even imagine what I would do if mine were that way. I hope things work out and they stop stressing you out. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteWouldn't it be great if you could treat your parents like a 2 year old? "Dad, I don't understand you when you use that tone of voice." "Mom, if you want to have a real conversation, call me. Texts can be taken out of context."
ReplyDeleteIt stinks that you're having to deal with all this.
I am sorry that you felt ignored on your blog... I had this happen recently too. I am just a bit behind in reading and commenting and cursing my phone for not really letting me, I am having some sort of open ID issue.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you are dealing with this parent stuff, it's stinky :/
Jess
http://itsjustaboxofrain.wordpress.com/