Knowing that my F-B friends by and large think that my grief and pain over infertility is "fixed" by having a baby, I think I won't bother them with this status update:
"A Reproductive Endrocrinologist told me that after 5 years of not preventing, a pregnancy should have happened by now. Given that I've gone through three medicated IUI cycles and year and half of intensive acupunture, plus temping and timing, I'm going to go ahead and state that adopting a baby did not make me fertile."
I sit here with mittleschmerz (love that word even though the actual event sucks ass) on my right side indicating that my cycle is right on time (CD14) I am textbook if there ever was a textbook cycle.
Oh, and yeah, I'm angry with the general public and their misconceptions and perceptions of infertility and adoption. I'm angry with my inner circle and their misconceptions and perceptions of infertility and adoption. I want to scream and shout and make them understand that everything they think about infertility and adoption is f***king wrong.
Well, in 7'ish days I'll be starting my testing. At this point, I want to get the tests done, have the follow-up visit to learn what's going and then walk away. I kind of want to walk away now, but the fact that I actually followed through with the consultation makes me think I need to power through the next few weeks before closing the door for good.
Man, I totally get you. I wanted to scream that same exact thing at another infertile and adoptee today who SHOULD get it. Perhaps I'll write a post on it sometime.
ReplyDeleteInfertility sucks. Infertility testing, diagnosis, and treatment suck. Everything about it sucks. I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this all over again. We have two embryos in storage and while I know I am blessed to even have them, the thought of finding another RE and walking into their office to pursue treatment makes me shudder and break out in a cold sweat. My husband does not want to take another possible IVF off the table. I don't even know what to think myself. Closing the door is so hard, I haven't been able to bring myself to that point yet, even with two adopted kiddos in tow.
I am thinking of you and wishing you all the best as you power through the next few weeks and months. And I hope that miraculously you can bring baby #2 home this year.
Wishing you the best - I know this is hard. Katja is 17 months old now, old enough to start doing things on her own, and some small part of me wonders what she'd be like as a big sister. Considering that we've been dubbed "impressively infertile", though, and her adoption was, shall we say, challenging, we're done. It's difficult for me to turn my back on this, so I understand what you are going through, at least to an extent.
ReplyDeleteI hear you. All the best to you!
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