I'm 99% sure I was briefly pregnant this past cycle. Without getting graphic, there was an incident on day 3 of my period which was wholly unlike anything I've seen before. I called my doctor and after describing the symptoms she thinks that it probably was a chemical. What I observed may have been tissue from an implantation attempt gone awry. Couple that with a few pregnancy-like symptoms in the days leading up to my period and do the math.
I have way to black-and-white a personality to know how to handle a situation like this. I don't want to get pregnant*. But it's lame to take bcp's when they produce crappy symptoms and I've already received an infertility diagnosis.
I realize I sound like a freak. But this is a little peek into my fucked up head. There you go.
*I want something to go according to my plan dammit. So, I'm perfectly ok with, oh the ol' reproductive system kicking into gear after our first adoption. I've invested so much time, emotion, and energy into the adoption path that I want to finish the journey. Then my stupid body can start working. Or not. I don't care. But I don't want this fucking, oh, look at that, pregnant! When I'm (fingers crossed) 6 months or less away from a match!
I'm so sorry. What a mindf*ck. I can't bring myself to take BCPs either, so I know where you are coming from. I just.can't.do.it.
ReplyDeleteHang in there.
I completely understand the wanting NOT to get preg and follow through with the adoption plan. Although we've never been preg in all 17 years of marriage, we thought about going on bc to make sure it didn't happen and mess up our adoption! Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteHi there,
ReplyDeletethanks for stopping by my blog. I read your very often. I'm sorry things aren't working out the way you plan. Good luck
I think the same thing happened to me after one of the IUI's but I never talked to anyone about it. A couple of months ago when I had some pregnancy symptoms before starting my period, I was tempted to search out the left over pee sticks, but successfully fought the temptation. We just have to figure out how to get our bodies to listen to our heads!
ReplyDeleteWhat?! It's just amazing what life deals you sometimes...Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteAh man, sorry, I forgot...I'm staying at the Residence Inn just a couple of miles from CCRM. I saw that there's a Taste of Denver happening over Labor Day weekend, so Doc and I are going to check it out. We're also thinking about taking a day trip to Rocky Mountain National Park. Any other suggestions?
ReplyDeleteOh man. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry. Since there's no way to really know if it was a chemical, my vote is to put it out of your mind. I had a confirmed chemical in February and AF was no different than any other month. Either way, I know this is a struggle. And even though you would never want anyone to say those comments to you about getting pg after moving on to adoption.....sometimes the universe does what it wants. Don't worry about it. Focus on what you can control and leave the rest on the door step. Easier said than done. I know. I know. Big hugs to you.
ReplyDelete