Now that I'm following many adoption-waiting blogs, I'm reminded of when I was on my message board with several other women trying to conceive. At first it was fun, we were all in it together. A couple were fertile and became pregnant within a few months. A few suffered miscarriages but then got pregnant within a few months and carried to term. The rest of us had a cheerleading team at our backs keeping fingers crossed, sprinkling ridiculous amounts of baby dust and giving us virtual hugs every month it didn't work. One by one, everyone got pregnant. Except me and one other woman. By then it was frustrating.
When I started blogging and finding adoption blogs I found solace in reading all kinds of adoption blogs. I like to read about the parenting aspect, a sort of gearing up for what's to come. I like to read blogs written by other waiting prospective parents as it gives you relief to know there's others in the trenches. I liked to read about the placements and follow along after baby comes home.
It must have something to do with hitting the year mark but I'm finding it difficult to read about families getting placements. I suppose my competitive nature doesn't help but every time I read one I wonder how long they waited. Just recently I read one where a family only waited a few months before being matched with their third child. I was jealous. Yet, we chose this agency for a reason. We live in Colorado where the adoption laws appear to be more strict than other states (I'm not sure, not really up to wading thru that legalese but it's a feeling I get). We knew it would likely be a longer wait because of the agency's process and have to remind ourselves that we squeaked onto the list right before our agency had to suspend applications. So, if we had gone somewhere else where they limit the pool of prospective parents rather than having a list, and overall placements are slow in our area then we may not have even been able to get into a pool at another agency. Then we'd be gnashing our teeth while we wait for the green light to even be considered. At least this way there's a modicum of hope that an expectant mother doesn't find the perfect match until she gets all the way down to us. How's that for arrogance? heh.
I wish I had a solution, but for now I guess it's to drink the cool-aid and keep repeating 'my baby will find me in time'. I hate that statement but it's all I've got at the moment.
I know it's a tough situation to be in. We are going through the process as well. I think one of the hard things we are dealing with is all the people around us having babies. Just know that timing is everything and your time will come. :) Keep your spirits high and just know that when you do get your baby this will all seem like a blur :) J
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain. At least you are keeping it real. I am starting to get annoyed with adoption blogs that are nothing but good feelings and rainbows. I need some rants every now and then to make myself feel more normal. LOL!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. The one year mark made me really really unhappy too. I recommend buying or selling a home to distract yourself or plan a really, big, expensive, non-refundable vacation:). It really sucks and I wish I had some good words of wisdom for you. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteI can only imagine how hard the waiting is. Rooting you on every day!
ReplyDeleteI went through similar phases with blogs - at first so excited but later so annoyed that they were ALL bringing home their babies while I waited with increasingly less patience. For me it was the darkest right before the dawn, just when I was at my wits end the wait ended. Hang in there!
ReplyDeletePatience is tough! And, like you, I am competative. I feel like every time we ask to be considered for an opportunity and the birthmother picks someone else, it's a total fail. I know it isn't, whatever will be, will be...but it feels like that! I always wonder...is our profile and birthmother letter good enough? Is there something else we should be doing? Good luck - I'll be thinking of you! You're not alone - there are many of us in the trenches with you!
ReplyDeleteWhew! I feel a sense of relief after reading this post and the comments like that of taking off my bra after a long stressfull day. The girls gotta exhale and so do I!
ReplyDeleteI am SO glad I'm not the only ubber competitive girl who can't just grin and bear it all the time when the good news seems to spread to every corner but the one I'm standing in. Thank you for being honest. I think we are more normal than we realize but it is taboo in the ttc and adoption world to portray anything but puppies and rainbows.
Eff puppies,
Jill