Once again DH and I are not on the same page. Rather, I'm two steps ahead of him as I've always been during this process. I got depressed first, I thought about visiting the RE first, I brought up adoption way before he was willing to admit anything was wrong. So here we are once again, I'm pretty much over it and am telling the freakin' world that we're adopting. ESPECIALLY when that pesky question "So, when are you going to have kids" comes up as it did on Friday night. I am so damned happy that I have an answer for once. Granted, what's funny about answering "We're adopting and in a couple of weeks we'll be approved and on the wait list" brings a reaction a little bit like this ............. *crickets* .........*crickets*. People who don't know you really don't know what to say to that one. I personally thought it was hilarious. I also had to handle my first "You'll get pregnant right after you adopt" comment from a stranger. I love you guys but if I ever hear that one from you I'm going to fly my ass out to you and give you a personal beat-down. ;-) j/k. I need some smilies for this damn thing...I miss those! But I digress....the point is, we got home that night and DH flat out said "I'm not comfortable talking about it yet". Good grief, he's had months and months to get used to it and he's still not used to it? I figure he'll come around soon and a big part of his problem is that he has to keep it quiet at work because he works with the biggest most annoying busybodies I've ever met. Poor guy won't be left alone once the news gets out. That situation seems to be permeating his attitude in general. Kind of sucks but I guess I'll have to dial it back a notch until he catches up.
I broke it to him that the day the agency tells us "You're approved!" We're buying something baby-related. Probably a celebratory pack of diapers and some butt paste. Hey, I like milestones and I like to mark them.
tara, good for you guys and congrats on being approved! i'm really sorry to hear scott is in a different place with all of this, and not surprised to hear that he hasn't processed it nearly as much as you have. men are sooooo different. but why wouldn't he want to talk about it?? soon enough it will be pretty clear. as for adoption not being a cure for IF, you're right about that. i think we just wanted you to be happy after the wrenching disappointments you had to go through. i remember when we were on the adoption path it felt good, and like something we really wanted to do, but it was very hard to let go of the thought of "our" bio-baby, and i know that's something you will grieve. the online support world has its limits unless you are all really in the same boat. it can be alienating to hear "everything will work out great -- i just know it!" when our challenges are usually a lot more complicated than that. i feel that way having a special needs kid (doesn't take food orally) on our old board. who can relate??? anyhoo, i'm heartened to see your progress, both towards parenthood and through your own emotional minefield, and peanut and i are rooting for you all the way. love shawntain
ReplyDeleteSo, if I tell you that you'll get pg right after you adopt, I'll get to see you again? :0)
ReplyDeleteMaybe I'm remembering incorrectly, but I thought Scott blabbed to his boss when you guys decided to adopt? Silly men! And they think WE change our minds a lot!
I think buying something baby-related will make it much more tangible for you guys! Screw the dipes, buy a cute layette or blankie or shoes or something that you can daydream about sticking your kid in.
yeah, jim and i are often in the situation that we process issues at totally different speeds, and, almost always, in totally different ways.
ReplyDeletelike i said, i'm already stressed about how to get pregnant with the next one even though i have custody of syd and one on the way (and, three kids was something i never thought we'd do), so i can only imagine that not everything is sitting perfectly w/ you either. infertility is a ... wait, i don't know who else is reading this. let's just say it's something that starts with a "c" and ends with sucker. adoption will be a huge distraction and relief and joy, but i don't think you'll ever get infertility off your mind. if you do, let me know how you did it!
Katie - haha! Well, Scott told his boss just so that he knows what's going on and that he plans on taking the full FMLA. However, he is making his boss keep it quiet and is not telling anyone else in his office.
ReplyDeleteBeth - tee hee, c-sucker is so right. I think I'd be right there with you if I had managed to get pg with the IUI's. Just to make it worse, doctors typically say the best time to try (especially if you had problems) is right after giving birth. *gah* That happened to a friend of mine and her and her husband are trying now even though they don't feel ready for another kiddo yet. Mother Nature can be a bey-otch.
ReplyDeleteAwww Tara...men are such different beings. And they really do it at their own pace. Here's an article that speaks of it in a donor egg scenario http://www.fitpregnancy.com/yourpregnancy/fertility_conception/40722747.html?page=1 Her hubby took a bit of time to get there too.
ReplyDeleteI personally will always mourn the inability to have my own bio child but this quote helped me, "The soul of the baby that is meant to come to you is the same whatever coat it is wearing."
Anyway, you celebrate that approval and get something for the baby! I'm super stoked that you now have something difinitive to say to people who ask. It's so much better than "we're working on it" which is what I ALWAYS say. Usually shuts 'em up because most people aren't going to follow-up with a "Really, HOW are you working on it?" hahaha! We are so excited for you! And oh yeah... is this blog for a bunch of folks or just "us" .... so we know how much of our "real" selves we can express. :-)